Remus's Secret revealed
by Cuchulain-Setanta
Summary: Our story begins during the Christmas holidays in second year, Remus and Peter are the only ones from Gryffindor there. When Peter finds out Remus's secret and tells the others upon their return, will Remus be accepted or not? And will that be the end of his troubles? This story is not Peter friendly. Please rate and review.
1. It begins

It was half way through second year and Remus Lupin was staggering back to the Gryffindor common room after being healed from his latest transformation. He was glad that James and Sirius had gone home for the holidays and he didn't have to worry about them asking questions again this month, he was sure that he could convince Peter that there wasn't a problem for a little while longer.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf and he could never forget that, he was reminded every month and even every day when he saw his many scars. He knew that his friends would never accept him or even want him around if they knew the truth and this was why he lied to them…he had to and he hated it. Remus hoped that he could keep his friends from learning the truth; however he also knew that this was probably not going to be possible. Sirius and James had already dug too deep and studied Remus too carefully to not reach the conclusion that was the truth; Remus was enjoying what little time he had left to be their friend.

As Remus struggled through the portrait hole and into the common room, he breathed a sigh of relief that it was empty hopefully the dorm would be as well and he could get some sleep. Whenever he got back from the hospital wing, the stairs always seemed as though they would never end and this time was no different. When Remus finally made it to the dorm and pushed open the door he was not prepared for the sight of Peter glaring at him from the middle of the room. Remus closed the door behind him and did some very fast thinking, he was about to open his mouth to use his excuse when Peter interrupted him.

"Werewolf." Peter spat.

Remus froze; he knew…somehow Peter had been the one to figure it out. Remus gulped and lowered his head.

"I am sorry that I lied to you, I can leave the dorm if you want…I will go away and not bother you, I won't speak to you or even look at you Peter. I have to stay at school though and finish my education, please don't tell anyone Peter, please."

Peter glared at him, hate emanating from his body, his voice cold and hard. "I won't tell anyone…so long as you do what I say. You are nothing but a monster, a freak and you will not pretend otherwise in our dorm."

Remus clenched his eyes shut, feeling the tears threaten to fall. He knew that this was what he deserved…not only for lying but because it was true, he was a monster and a freak. He just hoped that maybe Peter wouldn't tell anyone if Remus could do what was asked of him. Remus slowly crossed to his bed, tripping as Peter pushed him and sent him stumbling into the bedpost, he slumped to the floor and started on his homework, flinching when Peter called him "werewolf" again. He would do what it took to keep his secret and to be able to stay at school until he graduated…he was a monster and a liar and he deserved this.


	2. Just how bad will it be

Over the course of the next few hours Remus completed all of Peter's homework as well as his own, he gathered the stack of completed homework, stood and handed it to Peter who promptly shoved Remus to the floor, scattering the parchment everywhere. Peter shoved him roughly to the ground and stood over him with his fist raised; Remus flinched and stared up at Peter, shaking slightly as Peter brought his fist hard into Remus's eye.

"DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH OR ATTEMPT TO TOUCH ME WEREWOLF!" Peter shouted his voice cold and filled with hate.

Remus covered his eye after Peter hit him, a feeling which he had never had about Peter was surfacing…it was fear, Remus was afraid of Peter. Opening his mouth Remus hurried to apologize to his onetime friend.

"S-Sorry Peter, I won't…" he was interrupted by a hand connecting with his face hard enough to make his head swing to the side.

"No! You will not speak, you are a monster…a freak and you will NOT speak to me nor the others when they get back. If you do then I will tell everyone that you are a filthy werewolf. Got it?!" Spat Peter, anger and hatred radiating off each word as he spoke. He advanced on Remus; his hands clenched into fists as he watched the thing that had been his friend cower before him.

There was no doubt about it, Remus was afraid of Peter. Gulping as Peter spoke and his hands clenched back into fists, Remus cowered in front of his friend, quivering in fear as Peter raised his wand and pointed it at the werewolf. Rope wrapped around Remus's hands and tied them together behind his back and to the bed post, binding him so tightly that the ropes cut into his skin. He struggled against them, receiving a kick in the side which reopened one of the healing wounds from the night before. He cried out in pain earning another fist to his eye, Remus bit his lip to keep the yelp from being heard…he could feel Peter watching him so he kept as still as he could until Peter walked off to his bed, leaving Remus tied to the bed post for the night.

The next few days were some of the worst of Remus's life. Peter had always been the quietest and the second to least violent in their group, yet he was the one who was now beating up Remus, not letting him eat and keeping him tied to the bed post. It was extremely difficult to sleep sitting up with your hands behind your back…especially when they hurt from being tied so long. He was so hungry and wanted to sleep in his bed yet Peter had not allowed him to eat or untie him since the day he had gotten back from the hospital wing. He hoped that today would be different, for today James and Sirius were coming back and maybe he would be able to at least be untied; the approach of Peter's footsteps made his head come up, watching Peter's approach worriedly until he was tossed a couple rolls. Remus stifled a yelp as the ropes were cut as well as a bit of his skin, he bit his lip as he looked at his swollen and bruised wrists, he cradled his hands against his chest as silent tears fell.

Peter wrinkled his nose in disgust as the werewolf huddled at his feet and cradled its arms. How could he have ever been friends with this…this thing this monster, he absolutely loathed the freak and was only releasing it because lessons were continuing tomorrow and the other Marauders would be back today.

"Eat werewolf, before I change my mind."

Remus blinked and hesitantly reached out for the roll before grabbing it and eating it slowly, knowing that if he ate it quickly it may cause digestive problems since he had been without food for a while. Once he had finished the rolls, he didn't exactly feel better but it was more than and better than nothing. Remus watched from under his bangs as Peter left the room, he slowly got up, whimpering at how stiff he was from staying there for so long. He picked up his bag and hurried down to the common room and out the portrait hole, wanting to see James and Sirius as they came in from the carriages, coming back from their holiday. Remus kept his head low as he moved quickly through the castle, not stopping as he passed people and some called out greetings…he didn't want them to see him and see what he was. When he reached the top of the stairs to the entrance hall, he looked around and smiled when he spotted his two friends laughing and searching the crowd for someone. Remus waved when they looked up, his and their smiles fading at roughly the same time…theirs as they saw Remus's face and his when they stopped smiling, he wondered if they already knew. He watched as they charged up the stairs towards him, hoping that maybe they could remain ignorant of what he was for a while longer, but either way he was glad that the other two Marauders were back.


	3. They're back

**I am not nor have I ever been J.K. Rowling. The ideas expressed in this story are my mine, my own, my precious.**

3.

James and Sirius exchanged a look that Remus wasn't sure how to interpret, he suddenly froze as he realized that he would have to come up with an excuse for why he looked this way…unless they thought it was semi-normal for him at this point. Remus absently rubbed his side and abdomen, feeling odd and not sure why, his friends were talking about their holiday and what pranks they wanted to pull next, he smiled as they talked, simply happy to have them back.

Sirius's point of view:

Sirius new that there was something different this time about Remus's bruises, they looked as though they had been made by a fist and if someone had hurt Remus, then Sirius would make them pay. He had noticed that Remus seemed more quiet than usual in fact he hadn't said a single word to either himself or James…something had happened to Remus over the holiday and Sirius was determined to find out what. Sirius had spent the Christmas holiday doing the usual bit of avoiding his family as much as he could until he was able to go over to James's house for the remainder of the time that they had before school started again. He knew James had noticed something about Remus as well, from the way that James was speaking distractedly and kept glancing over at Remus with a worried expression.

Normal point of view:

Everything was going relatively alright until they ran into two people that nether James or Sirius wanted to…a certain bossy red-head and her friend the grease ball Snivellus. They appeared to have been talking but had stopped at the approach of the Marauders, Lily glared at each of the boys before her face went pale and her eyes wide once she got a good look at Remus. She nudged Severus and he blinked in surprise when he noticed Remus's face as well; as much as he didn't like James and Sirius, Remus had always been friendly and Severus knew that Remus had often tried to get his friends to stop bothering him and he just couldn't quite bring himself to dislike the boy as much as he did the other two. Lily stared at Remus for what seemed forever, before rounding on the other two.

"WHAT did _you_ two idiots do to Remus?" Shrieked Lily.

"_We_ didn't do anything to him Evans; we only just got back from holiday and haven't even been to the common room, we are just as shocked as you are by his appearance. What on earth makes you think that we would hurt our friend?" James said rather indignantly, Evans really had no right to go around and accuse him and Sirius of hurting their friend. Though they would gladly go around and bother Snivellus as much as they wanted.

"How am I supposed to know what you would and wouldn't do to your "friend", you bother and are cruel to Sev and he hasn't done anything to you so why would I know what kind of friend you are to the only decent member in your dorm." Lily's words were cold and angry; she stormed off with Severus and only looked back once worriedly at Remus.

James, Remus and Sirius all stared after her, James and Sirius in irritation and Remus in worry; he knew that Lily was smart and she was bound to figure out what was going on…the only question was would she figure out what he was as well. There was an awkward silence as they continued walking towards the common room, Remus felt bad that he was the cause of it and so he thought he should be the one to say something, which he did as they climbed through the portrait hole.

"I really am glad that you both are back and had such wonderful holidays."

They both looked at him and turned to go up the staircase to their dorm. Remus's shoulders slumped and he regretted saying anything as they climbed the staircase and entered their room. Peter was there and he thrust a plate of food and a drink at Remus who took it carefully so as not to touch him.

"Here, you missed breakfast." Peter said rather more harshly than the others were used to but it was almost polite to Remus.

Remus nodded and took the food and drink to his bed where he ate it quickly while trying to not look like he was eating faster than normal as that would bring up more questions. Peter was speaking to the others and when all three of them turned to look at him…with varying degrees of anger and hostility, he knew that Peter had told them and everything was going to be forever different now. He was stuck with them and this was the price that he had to pay in order to continue going to school with his…condition, he no longer had friends yet he would treasure the stolen moments he'd had with them before they knew, back when they had fun and laughed together.

James glared at the thing, the monster who wore his friend's skin; how could Remus be something so evil…it didn't make sense and yet he was and there really was only one way to deal with it. He had to help Peter in keeping it in line, he had to forget that the creature had ever been his friend, even if Sirius refused to help them…it was important to keep the monster from hurting anyone and so it had to be controlled and hurt. The werewolf had to be dealt with, the secret kept and the friend forgotten.

**Please Rate and Review, thank you and I hope that you enjoyed it.**


	4. Confusion and fear

James was struggling. All his life he had been told about werewolves and how evil they were, that they would attack without a second thought, that they didn't deserve to use magic or have a wand and that the only way to deal with them was to exterminate or lock them up; yet here was his friend, a kind and brilliant boy who was a werewolf. He didn't see how Remus could be something so evil and yet he was so didn't that mean that somewhere inside Remus was a killer and was waiting until he could attack them? James didn't want to have anything to do with what Peter called "keeping the monster in its place", for one thing the "monster" was his friend and though he knew what he had been taught he didn't want to be a part of it until Remus actually did something that was evil or attacked either him, Sirius or even Peter. Although James refused to be a part of it, he did not stop or even object to whatever Peter did…he simply couldn't bring himself to be a part of tormenting his used to be friend.

Sirius was altogether different, he didn't approve of what Peter was doing and he refused to be anywhere near Peter. While he was hurt and upset that Remus hadn't trusted him enough to tell him that he was a werewolf, he didn't think that Remus deserved this even though he was a dark creature; however Sirius didn't particularly want to do anything to help Remus either. He had always liked Remus more than Peter, for one thing Peter was slow and was more of an annoyance than anything else, for another thing Remus was smart…and he came up with many of their better prank ideas while Peter had yet to think up anything even remotely fun. Sirius spent as much time as possible away from both Peter and Remus, he and James didn't talk about pranks so much anymore…it seemed wrong somehow and yet they wanted to pull one to prove to themselves and possibly each other that nothing had changed.

Over the past few days Remus had been feeling progressively worse, true he had been given food and water but there was something wrong and painful that was more than the bruises and possible fractures…something inside was wrong. Everything hurt, he was stiff and it was taking him longer than usual to walk to class, McGonagall was not going to be happy if he was late again but he really couldn't help it; neither could he help the stares which he received from the other students as well as the teachers that he passed in the halls or when in class. He hadn't spoken in weeks, he had done all of Peter's homework as well as his own, he hadn't raised his hand or called attention to himself in anyway in his classes and he was scared…he jumped at small noises and he was often found huddled in a corner of the dorm; for Peter liked to appear out of nowhere and either trip him so he fell to the ground where Peter could kick him or he would cast the stinging hex on multiple parts of Remus's body.

Remus quietly opened the door and slipped silently into the classroom where he sat at the back, took out his book and wand, placed them on the desk next to his parchment and quill and sat silently while Professor McGonagall taught them about transfiguring rabbits into slippers. Although Remus did the spell perfectly on the first try he kept his head down and didn't call attention to himself, simply waiting and listening as McGonagall praised James and then Lily for their slippers. After class he gathered his things and started the slow and arduous journey back to the common room, dragging his feet as he went to the place which he had once been able to call home, a place he had thought he belonged and now knew he didn't and never would. His hand clutched at his stomach, trying to stop the feeling of the fire that was there, so he wasn't paying attention when someone grabbed him from behind and pushed him down a deserted corridor and into an empty classroom. Once the hands let go of him he crouched down, his eyes wide with terror as he searched the dark room for the person or people who had grabbed him, his wild eyes finally stopping on two shadowy figures who were watching him with a mixture of horror and pity. It must have been a trick, Peter had found someone to help him and now they were going to "have fun" with him where no one else could see, and yet they didn't move or even speak. Remus was unsure how to react, his arms went protectively around his chest and he lowered his head as he waited for whoever they were to speak or come closer and hurt him.

**Please Rate and Review, thank you and I hope that you enjoyed it.**


	5. Perhaps some help

5.

The figures stood there watching him, unable to bring themselves to move forward or even to speak as they saw the once brilliant, kind boy huddled on the floor before them, his eyes darting around and wild looking as though he were some kind of an animal. They instantly knew for certain now that Remus Lupin was being tormented by those who he called friends, or maybe by someone else and yet if it was someone else then why would his "friends" be allowing this to continue? They stood there, unsure of what to do, knowing that whatever was going on was wrong…no matter what the reason was.

Remus crouched on the floor, waiting in complete terror for what was to happen, he was shaking and making small scared noises that were close to whimpers if they had been audible to those present. Remus knew he had made a huge mistake in allowing himself to actually become friends with people, how could he ever have been so stupid as to think that a normal child would ever want or be willing to befriend a dark and evil creature like him. He continued shaking as he crouched on the floor, his head down as he slowly started rocking back and forth; not stopping until he felt a hand on his shoulder causing him to freeze as he realized that the hand was comforting and gentle instead of harsh and angry. Remus slowly turned his head and looked first at the hand and then up the arm until he reached the face that the hand belonged to…it was one of the people he knew would enjoy him being so vulnerable, especially as Remus hadn't managed to succeed in preventing his dorm mates from tormenting him. He gulped silently and lowered his head back down, stiffening and waiting for either the spell or the blow which was sure to come…even if the boy didn't know what Remus was, he was sure not to miss this chance for revenge and really no one would blame him for wanting to get even.

Severus frowned slightly as he noticed Remus stiffen under his hand and move his head back down, he had meant his touch to be gentle though he supposed that Remus would think that he wanted payback for what the Marauders had done so many times to him. How could he convince the boy that he wanted to help, not get even? Severus turned slightly and looked over at Lily, searching for help and not knowing what to do…how could _he_ Severus Snape, comfort the boy who had been friends with his tormentors; he realized that Remus had never actually done anything to him and had in fact tried to stop them on more than one occasion, it was obvious that something between the Gryffindor boys had changed for now Remus was the one being tormented and he could not even escape as often as Severus did as he was in the same house and dorm as they were.

Lily walked cautiously over to Sev and Remus, concerned at the way that Remus cowered before them. After exchanging glances with her friend she knelt down next to the shaking boy and spoke softly, as one would to a frightened animal.

"Remus, it is alright. Sev and I won't hurt you. We just wanted to know what is going on, we are sorry for scaring you."

Lily tried to get a better look at him as she spoke, but he wouldn't look up from the floor. She waited but received no reply. Sev shrugged slightly and took his hand from the boy's shoulder, instead coming around next to Lily and watching Remus closely. Lily tried again to speak to Remus.

"Please let us help you Remus, who hurt you? Why don't your "friends" help you?"

Remus lifted his head slightly but didn't answer, he remembered the last time he had spoken and somehow Peter had found out, he did not want Peter to make his tongue burn again…though he didn't think Peter would do that as he hadn't seemed to like it as much as he liked to hit him. So in order to be safe, he kept silent even as he yearned to talk to them…but then if they knew what he really was then they wouldn't want to talk to or even be near him, no one would and he really couldn't blame them. He looked at them both, his eyes pleading, though even he didn't know what he was pleading for…friendship, kindness, hope, freedom? It could have been any of these things or something else entirely, Remus's eyes clenched tightly shut as he clutched at his stomach and inhaled sharply. He missed the looks of concern and alarm on the faces of Lily and Severus, he couldn't block the pain from his stomach and chest, he had to go somewhere else, he had to. Remus leapt to his feet, snatched his bag and ran as fast as his weakened body could, stumbling with every other step as he ran and ran, only wanting to get away…away from the pain, and away from himself and the monster that he knew he was.

Lily and Severus watched in alarm as the boy ran and stumbled away from them, they looked at each other and both agreed that there was something seriously wrong with Remus Lupin and they thought that they knew who was responsible. They were determined to put a stop to it, no matter what this had to be stopped.

**Please Rate and Review, thank you and I hope that you enjoyed it.**


	6. Nightmares

6.

Pain. Burning. Fear.

Pain, such a trivial word to describe the agony that coursed through his body and made all the bruises and cuts feel as though they weren't there. The fire ripping and burning its way through his body, twisting and pulling at his insides every minute of every day and it only got worse. He slowly opened his eyes, only managing to open them a little as they were both swollen nearly shut from earlier, biting his lip and shifting silently to try and relieve the pain in his knees. Remus could hear Peter coming closer again, he swallowed hard at the uneasy lump in his throat and the way his tongue felt in his mouth after Peter had used a sticking charm to ensure that Remus couldn't talk or really make any noise at all. He was currently tied at the wrists and ankles to the bed, his hands and legs behind him around the bedpost that had become the spot he slept as well as where Peter liked him to be. Though he couldn't see very well he could still hear and smell much better than normal people could, at the moment he could smell something that was metallic coming closer with Peter's footsteps.

"Ready for some fun half-breed? I found this spell that I thought you would find most…interesting and I should at least get some entertainment from this." Peter said rather cruelly.

Remus clenched his mouth shut in preparation for whatever Peter would do to him this time, he wanted to tell one of the teachers… to answer them when they asked what was going on and if he was alright, he wanted to run away and not come back; yet every time he was about to leave or somehow tell one of the teachers, he would remember that he would have nowhere to go and no way to get back to his home unless he stayed until at least the rest of the year was over. They were keeping his secret after all so he should be grateful and just accept that this was his life now and how things were and should be.

Remus whimpered quietly as his head was yanked back by his hair, stretching his neck tight and making his mouth open a little. He felt something force its way between his lips and open his mouth farther then Peter was tilting something into his mouth and the substance was poured down his throat. The agony was instant and consuming, he had never had pain like this when it wasn't the full moon, he screamed and twisted against the ropes, trying to fight against the agony as it moved through his body. He felt as though he were on fire, it consumed him leaving no room for any other feeling as he felt the flames rising and completely envelope him. He could hear Peter laughing at his reaction, felt the kick to his side and the feeling of drowning as well as burning.

"Thought you might like that freak, found it special for you, didn't think it would be this much fun to give you liquid silver, I should make you put on a show for me werewolf." Peter kicked him again and again, each one harder than the last.

"Stop it Peter, you are going to make him bleed internally if you keep kicking him like that." James's voice seemed far away and almost concerned.

"Fine James, I will find a different way to awaken it next time."

Remus opened his eyes warily, lifting his head slightly and trying to figure out why he was still burning even if it had been a dream. He knew it was a dream, for one thing James had told Peter to stop and as James hadn't done that before…why would he do that now; it must have been part of the dream. He moved cautiously up from the floor, keeping his head down to hide the wince of pain as he stood, his arms wrapping around his abdomen to attempt to contain the agony that was there and hadn't been part of the dream. His fingers finding a grip under his ribs which stuck out somewhat, he shook his head slightly as he realized he was losing too much weight, he had always been skinny but now he was nearly far past skinny and into dangerously so; Peter didn't let him eat much and seemed to think that Remus was better off the weaker he was. As he trudged through the corridors he tried to remember what he had last said to anyone before Peter had placed a sticking charm on his tongue, he froze as he realized that he couldn't remember…he hadn't said anything in a long time and now he couldn't. Remus stumbled on his way to Charms, catching himself against the wall and desperately trying to avoid the concerned and inquisitive gazes of those whom he passed in the corridor. Finally reaching the classroom and taking his seat in the back, getting out his wand, book, parchment and quill before class started, Remus lowered his head and ignored the stares, copying down the instructions and taking notes as Professor Flitwick spoke.

Halfway through class, a note landed on his desk. Remus glanced up at the teacher before discretely opening it…his eyes wide as he read the message on the paper and felt the first spark of hope that he had felt in a long time. For the rest of the class period Remus wondered who among his classmates here would want to and be willing to help him, the werewolf and almost more importantly…who else knew Remus's secret?

**_I will help you, you don't have to be hurt or afraid anymore Remus._**

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	7. Inside his head

7.

**(**_Remus's thoughts_**)**

Remus wandered alone down the halls of Hogwarts, carrying only his wand as he thought and tried to delay the moment when he would have to go back to the dorm and once again be around Peter. His arms wrapped tightly around himself to stay warm and try to contain the pain that tore through his body, the burning agony that never let up and instead got stronger. He wandered the halls, not knowing where he was going and unaware of his surroundings as he thought, his thoughts and feelings swirling around inside his head.

_Can you hear me?_

_No, no one can for I can no longer speak. I cannot do anything to make it stop, this is the price that I must pay in order to keep my secret and keep attending Hogwarts to learn magic. It doesn't matter that it hurts and my nightmares are of him; I am a monster, I am a freak, a disgusting and filthy half-breed and I deserve all that comes to me…even if he uses silver as he has so many times in my nightmares I am grateful that he hasn't used it yet in the waking world, the world in which reality lies. _

_I will not let what I am going through damage my efforts in school; I am continuing to be in the top of my classes even though I do his homework as well as my own. _

_I am so hungry, yet I can only eat what and when he allows me to, it isn't nearly enough and I can feel myself withering away even as the feeling of burning gets stronger; sometimes it is all I can do to force myself to move, it hurts so much and there is never any relief._

_I have seen Lily and Severus watching me even more than before they tried to talk to me, I feel so horrible about running away from them, yet they can't find out; I was and still am so afraid, so very afraid. I want so badly to be around them again…I can't tell them I am sorry but perhaps I can write it. _

Remus turned to the right and made his way up to the Owlrey to write an apology and send it to Lily and Severus, perhaps they would forgive him.

_It felt so nice to be around people who weren't trying or even wanting to hurt me, I haven't had that in a long time. Is it wrong for a werewolf to want to have friends and feel safe around normal people? Perhaps I shouldn't try to be their friend or be around them; would they still want to be around me if they knew what I am? Of course they wouldn't, no one would want to be friends with someone like me, the others have already proven that. However I won't push them away from me on the slim chance that they do want to be my friends, if they do want to be then I will treasure their company and friendship, treasure every moment I am able to spend with them. _

As he stared out the window after the two owls that carried his apology, he gazed up at the sky and realized something that he hadn't actually thought much about.

_I only have a week and a half before the next full moon…I dread this moon so much more than the previous ones, as they know now and he will know exactly where I am as well as what I am; what will he do to me after the moon and I return to the dorm? What will Madam Pomfrey say when she notices how I look even before the moon, what am I supposed to do to not arouse suspicion? Maybe this moon won't be so bad and I won't have to stay in the hospital wing very long, maybe she won't ask me any questions and it will be alright._

Remus slid down to the floor, his back to the wall and his arms wrapped around himself. He sat in the corner that was farthest away from the door and the deepest in shadow. Anyone who ventured up here would be unable to see him and he would be safe for the time being.

_James and Sirius don't hurt me, but they don't try to stop him either they are hardly ever there and when they are then they are only there long enough to grab their stuff and then leave, never looking back or even looking at me; but what do I expect them to do? Help me and stop him or perhaps join in with his games…I don't know anymore. Who could the person be who sent the note, there hasn't been another one and yet it has given me hope to know that someone wants to help and put a stop to this. Although I don't see why, he would still know and he would probably tell the minute that I was given the help. Why would anyone bother helping a monster?_

Remus gazed up at the moon and realized that he had been there for hours; he got to his feet rather unsteadily and left the Owlrey. Moving as quickly as he could he made his way down the stairs from the tower and back down the many hallways towards the Gryffindor tower and towards another "game" invented by Peter. He made his way up the stairs to his room, tripping as he entered and crashing to the floor; instantly curling up and moving his arms over his head as Peter strode over and began kicking him until he grew bored. Remus didn't move until Peter's book bag hit him in the back as it was thrown across the room, carefully he sat up and took out the books and parchment in order to do Peter's homework. He winced as he felt a few of his ribs move, knowing they were cracked if not broken; he kept his head down as he was tossed a roll and set to work making sure that Peter passed his classes. He swallowed the blood in his mouth and tore into the roll, nearly eating it whole and ignoring the feeling of the burning intensifying, he had to keep working, he couldn't stop until it was finished…he couldn't stop even though he was in constant agony and he was told every five or so minutes that he was disgusting and a monster. Remus didn't know how things he had heard over and over could still hurt so much as they were spat at him from across the room by his former friend.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	8. Severus and cold

8.

Severus was thinking and thinking rather hard about two things, one of which he cared about and the other he really didn't. The one he didn't particularly care about was much easier to decide what to do about or more accurately, how to deal with it. Since he and Lily had been observing Lupin, he had noticed that both Potter and Black appeared rather down and hadn't been pulling their so called "pranks" on either him or anyone else; he wasn't sure what was the cause of their sudden melancholy for if they were the ones messing…no tormenting Lupin than surely they would be their normal pompous selves. Instead they seemed to be despondent and rather gloomy; Severus thought that if someone else were tormenting Lupin than surely both Potter and Black would be furious and doing all that they could to help him, instead they did nothing and didn't even talk to or look at the boy. Their new attitude was not something that Severus thought needed to be changed as he was quite glad of the break that it gave him from being bothered by the two idiots.

The problem that actually worried about and that he did care about was Lupin himself. Not only hadn't he been seen at meals but he had been growing more and more thin, nearly wraith-like even, he was constantly covered in bruises and cuts not to mention dirt. He never had his head up anymore; his arms were constantly wrapped around his torso as though to keep himself from coming apart or bursting at the sides. That on time that both he and Lily had managed to be alone with him was when Severus had grabbed the boy and taken him into the empty classroom, he could still feel the shoulder under his hand, the one that had been barely more than merely bone. He remembered the scared, no terrified look in the other boy's eyes as he crouched on the floor and refused to look at either him or Lily; the boy had been terrified and had seemed wild when he thought that he had been cornered and that they had been there to harm him.

After Lupin had fled, he and Lily had looked at each other for a while, unsure of what to do or even say. He had been so scared of them and had bolted as soon as he could even though they could tell that he had been in immense pain. Severus could tell that he still was and that it was getting worse, he had also noticed that Lupin had not spoken, even in class for weeks now. It was odd but he was feeling protective of the boy and he grew angry whenever he thought about what was happening to him and that no one seemed to care enough to put an end to it.

Severus was startled out of his thoughts by an owl tapping at the window; he quickly got up from his chair and opened the window to let the bird inside. He took the letter that the owl had attached to its leg and watched as it flew away into the night, he raised an eyebrow as he saw that the letter was addressed to him. Severus made his way back to his chair and carefully opened it.

**Severus,**

**I am so sorry that I ran away from you and Lily, I don't know what to say other than I am truly sorry and I hope that you can forgive me. If you can't then I understand…I hope that you are not angry with me and I am also sorry for what the others have done to you, I never wanted any of those things to happen and I realize that I should have tried harder to stop them. I do not think that I can ever apologize enough to you Severus, but I am sorry.**

**-Remus**

Severus was astonished to say the least, he had never expected Lupin to apologize for running away and he felt…something leave as he decided to forgive Lupin for that as well as for whatever part he had played with the other boys. He would have to talk to Lily again and then they would have to decide what they were going to do in order to help him.

Remus was cold, so very cold. He couldn't get warm and he had tried to, the burning was still inside him trying to tear him apart, yet he was freezing. He was actually in his bed for once but Peter had placed a charm on his bed and blankets so that the temperature was well below zero and no matter what he did he couldn't get warm. Remus had finished Peter's homework and had even managed to get most of his done before Peter had started on him again, he wasn't sure if he would be able to even hold his wand tomorrow. He held his broken and twisted hand close to his chest, his pj's hanging off him and showing the way his skin seemed to merely be painted over his bones, angry splotches had begun to appear around his torso, back and stomach and he had no idea what they were from. Neither James nor Sirius had come back to the dorm that day; they had probably found somewhere else to sleep so as not to be in the same room as a werewolf. He deeply wished that there was a way to have someone who didn't hate the sight of him, someone who could tolerate his presence long enough to just smile at him. Remus bit hard on his lip as he inadvertently rolled slightly onto his hand, silent tears falling down his dirty and bruised face, he curled up into a tight ball to try and keep himself as warm as he could, drifting into an uneasy sleep filled with the ever present feelings of terror, pain and always Peter would be there with a new form of torment before Remus would be kicked awake and the day would begin again. Remus knew that he had to accept the fact that he would always be alone and unwanted in this world where wizards were equals and the half-breeds were dangerous and no one would want to be anywhere near him. He couldn't feel his toes or fingers anymore, he had to sleep, he couldn't fight it anymore, he wouldn't for sleep was welcome and maybe he wouldn't be so cold…or at least he wouldn't be aware of the cold anymore.


	9. Anger

9.

Sirius was furious; he had woken up to find an unresponsive and frozen Remus. He still wouldn't wake up and he could tell that the boy was barely breathing,Sirius's wand was pointed at Peter and both he and James could feel the waves of anger radiating off of his friend. James was extremely grateful that he was not at the other end of that wand and that he was not the one to which all of Sirius's anger and frustration was aimed. Sirius glared daggers at the rather large boy in front of him, seething and letting his anger flow off and out of himself, willing Peter to feel the waves of anger directed at him and allowing himself a smirk as Peter cowered before him.

"I know that you had decided to be cruel to him, and I am aware that I didn't say anything against it but you CANNOT kill him. I will NOT let you kill him!" Sirius's voice shook with anger, his wand emitting sparks as his temper attempted to channel his magic on its own.

Peter actually had the nerve to look unfazed as Sirius growled at him and threatened him with his wand; he glared up at the taller and stronger boy, his voice hard and full of malice.

"I don't recall asking for your _permission _to do anything to the monster, _you _didn't want to be a part of it. I haven't killed it anyway, why is it my fault if the freak won't wake up? If you are so concerned for the filth that shares the dorm, why don't you warm it with that spell we learned last term?" Peter's voice dripped with scorn as he looked at both Sirius and James with contempt and shot a hate filled glare at Remus.

Sirius continued to glare at Peter while motioning for James to cast the spell on Re-…the other boy. Sirius knew that his own parents were cruel and cold hearted but he couldn't understand why Peter was so cruel when Peter had always been quiet, shy and well honestly rather thick. Was it simply because the boy was a werewolf or was it because he had lied to them in order to keep his secret? Sirius didn't know and he didn't care, he wouldn't let Peter kill the boy even if he was a werewolf; he spoke coldly to Peter, making sure that he was not misunderstood in any way.

"Although I don't interfere with your tormenting him, I will NOT let you kill him Peter. If you do then be sure that I _will _do everything that you have done to him ten times on your own sorry hide, so listen closely if you value your own life DO NOT KILL HIM!" Sirius turned and stormed out of the dorm, James following a moment later; leaving a rather shocked Peter and a slowly warming Remus alone.

Remus was slowly becoming aware of himself again, he could feel his limbs and his fingers again; he was no longer freezing and he could hear raised voices though he couldn't distinguish what they were saying, he only knew that they were very angry. As he became aware of his body he also once again became aware of the burning in his body, it seemed to have spread and intensified, he clenched his hands as he became aware of the rest of the pain that had been inflicted upon him. Remus heard the door slam and then silence before he heard the angry breathing of someone quite close by, he slowly opened his eyes and noticed Peter. A very angry Peter who was advancing on Remus with surprising speed and with his wand out. Remus scrambled backwards as fast as he could, tumbling off the bed and scurrying under it before Peter could get to him and backing against the wall, as far out of Peter's reach as he could get. His hands clutched around the leg of the bed as his ankle was grabbed hold of and he was being pulled out from under the bed, his fingers slipped and he was brought out and in front of Peter who grinned maliciously down at him. Peter kicked and hit him repeatedly while holding onto his ankle with one hand, Remus tried to cover his head as best as he could even with his twisted hand; after Peter stopped he carefully looked out from under his hands only to see Peter bring one of the tools from the fireplace down on his leg.

Remus would have been screaming had he been able to make noise, as it was his hands were clutching at his leg as Peter twisted it and then healed it wrong with a spell he had learned. Remus was still in agony but the moment that Peter left for something, he bolted. He ran as fast as he could even though it was more of a hopping-limp-stagger movement that was nowhere near comfortable nor efficient, yet he had to get away…even if it was for only a little while. Remus ran as long as he could before collapsing in a corner of one of the many corridors, clutching his twisted leg and his mangled hand as he allowed some of his tears to fall where no one would see or want to hurt him.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	10. Lost, alone, friend?

10.

Remus awoke on the cold stone floor of the corridor, he didn't remember falling asleep but he figured that he must have at some point and was grateful for the little bit of undisturbed sleep that he had been able to get. He was just as glad that it was the weekend and he hadn't missed class by falling asleep in the corridor, he stiffly got to his feet, nearly falling over backwards at the pain in his leg before he regained his footing and slowly walked forwards…unsure of where he was. Remus cautiously looked up and down the corridor before choosing to turn left and hopefully find something that looked semi-familiar. He had been wandering aimlessly for quite some time, though he hadn't actually managed to get very far, before he heard something following him. He couldn't see it when he looked around and backtracked a bit, but he could hear it and knew that someone or something was there; he struggled to move faster in his odd hopping-limp walk as he listened and heard the person or perhaps people speed up as well.

Remus slid his hand into his pocket and grasped his wand tightly; he ducked into an archway and waited until the footsteps stopped before he peered around the corner, only to find the corridor completely empty. He frowned slightly in confusion and leaned a little farther out to try and see if there was anywhere that the person could have hidden when he was suddenly pulled backwards, down the adjoining corridor and into an empty room. Remus kept his hand clenched around his wand as he looked around for possible escape routes as well as to attempt to identify whoever had pulled him into this room. From this look around the room he concluded that there was no other exit from the door he had been drug through and the person who had grabbed him was Severus, he briefly wondered why he kept dragging him into rooms before the burning agony flared in his chest, making him wrap his arms around his torso and groan in pain. Remus dropped to his knees, his arms tightening as he tried in vain to keep the burning feeling at bay or at least lessen it, through the haze of pain he saw Severus move towards him with a look of concern on his face and that alone greatly surprised Remus.

Severus had been slightly wary as he noticed that Lupin had his hand in his pocket and most likely he was grasping his wand, that feeling had quickly fallen away as the boy let out a barely audible groan, wrapped his arms around himself and sank to his knees. Severus had noticed his odd walk and decided that something new had happened to the boy…something that was causing him more pain than he had been lately. As he approached, he couldn't tell if Lupin could even see him or if he recognized him; as he got closer Severus saw something that made him stop in his tracks and silently vow to personally find and give everything back to the person or people who had done this. Severus knelt down and carefully to Lupin's hand, being as gentle as he could be as he held it and felt the twisting of the bones and how mangled it had been. Pretending he didn't notice how Lupin's eyes jumped to his face when he took the boy's hand, he continued to gently feel the entirety of the damage done the other boy's hand; he tried to offer a small smile, however smiling at anyone other than Lily was not something that came easily to him at best he managed a smirk that was slightly kinder than normal. Severus tried not to show the burning hatred that was developing inside him as he realized that Lupin was so thin that he could actually feel the hairline cracks in his bones through what little skin that there was, he knew that if he showed his growing anger then this scared and hurt boy before him would once again be the cowering animal looking thing that he had been when he and Lily had first cornered him. He had to keep that hidden if only to show Lupin that he wasn't going to hurt him, Severus would help him as much as was possible…even if he had to do it alone.

Remus didn't know what to do, he was so accustomed to being afraid and hurt that he was unsure of what to do with someone being kind to him. He couldn't really explain it but he didn't think that Severus was going to hurt him, he could tell that somewhere inside he was very angry, yet the Slytherin didn't let it show and to Remus, that meant that for now he was safe. He carefully took his mangled hand from Severus and kept it close and out of sight, not really wanting to think about it. Remus opened his mouth to say something before slowly closing it as he remembered that he couldn't speak anymore, he wondered what he could possibly do to show Severus how thankful he was; his eyes suddenly lit up for the first time in nearly a month as he had an idea. Remus took his wand and slowly waved it as he mentally used the spell he needed, he knew that wordless spells were harder and yet he'd had to learn them in order to pass his classes. Remus smiled a little as the object came through the door landed in his hand; he slowly offered it to Severus and was pleased to see him give an actual smile as the once stolen object was returned to its rightful owner.

Severus stared down at the small snake statue which was the only thing he had of his mother's; it had been stolen from him nearly a year ago, he smiled at Lupin and carefully sat beside him, whispering quietly to him.

"Thank you Remus and you are welcome."

Remus's eyes lit up at those simple words and as he realized that he once again had a friend or at least a friendly acquaintance with whom he could feel semi-safe and maybe even accepted.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	11. Hope and safety

11.

Severus knew that Lily would be upset with him for having found and attempted to talk to Lupin without her, he would just have to explain to her that he hadn't planned on talking to the boy alone, he had merely found him wandering the corridor and thought that now was as good a time as any…even if Lily wasn't there at the moment. He figured that since they had planned to meet here anyway, then perhaps she wouldn't be too upset that Lupin was already here.

Remus was glad of the company, even if it was rather strange company. Severus had tried talking to Remus, however when he didn't answer then the other boy seemed to realize that something was wrong with his voice and didn't ask questions that couldn't be answered with a shake or nod of the head. He had come to learn a lot simply by observing the other boy, Severus wasn't evil as the others had said and although his hair was rather greasy, Remus didn't see why that was something to completely dislike and torment him over…he probably couldn't help it. He was discovering much about Severus that he didn't think he would have been able to learn otherwise, though he was quiet he was extremely smart, he was kind hearted under that hard outer shell that he always wore and he also seemed to want someone who wasn't going to bully him for a friend and that rather surprised Remus. He had thought that Severus either didn't want friends or was fine with the ones that he had in Slytherin, it had never occurred to him that perhaps Severus felt out of place there among the others who were from rather darker families.

He blinked in confusion as he realized that Severus had been talking to him, he shook his head slightly in hopes that perhaps Severus would repeat himself. The other boy looked at him and sighed heavily, it seemed that he had already repeated himself; however he closed his eyes briefly in what must have been exasperation before saying calmly.

"Lily will be most upset to find that I have been talking to you without her, she thought we should talk to you together however I saw an opportunity and I took it. Hopefully she will understand that, either way you are safe with us Lupin, neither one of us will harm you or let anyone else harm you in our presence. I wanted you to know that." Severus's voice was calm and low, hardly any inflection in his words…succeeding in making Remus believe that he could be safe around them, at least until they discovered what he was.

Remus offered a small smile in response to Severus's statement, he thought that perhaps Lily and Severus wouldn't mind so much if he became friends with them even if they couldn't really be friends, perhaps something of a friendship could be formed between them.

Remus had been thinking about what the relationship between the three of them could be when he heard something that sounded like approaching footsteps, his head shot up and his spine went rigid as all his attention was on the door. Beside him Severus looked if not nearly as alert and worried as Remus did, he was at least wary and had his wand at the ready; they both waited as the door opened slowly to reveal non-other than Lily. Severus scowled slightly as he stowed his wand away, then it was gone and replaced by an actual smile as Lily came into the room and shut the door behind her. Remus relaxed slightly even if it wasn't completely, he watched Lily approach them cautiously, he could tell that while she may have been slightly upset that Severus was here without her, she hid it rather well with her concern.

"I got your note Remus, and I don't want you to worry. I know you were scared and I don't blame you for running away, I probably would have done the same if I was cornered and afraid like you are. I hope that Sev told you that we won't hurt you, and that we want to help you." Lily spoke so calmly and with such kindness that for a moment Remus was floored and didn't know how to respond.

She continued her slow approach until she was directly in front of him, it took every ounce of control to not shrink away from her, he had to trust her if she really was going to be kind and possibly be his friend. Lily knelt in front of him and simply looked at him for a moment, her eyes falling on each of his injuries, pausing at his hand and looking appalled before looking at his face and smiling a little at him; he attempted to smile back and was completely caught off guard as she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Remus froze, his eyes wide at the unexpected contact; he hesitantly brought his own arms up to carefully hug her back, slowly letting himself enjoy the feeling of having someone hug him and offer comfort.

When Lily pulled away he offered her a small smile in thanks, watching her as she sat down facing him and Severus who had watched the exchange with something like longing in his face though only Remus had actually seen it. He wondered if there was something that he could do to make him more comfortable, maybe with time Severus would become a little more outgoing and it wouldn't be a guess as to what he was wanting, though perhaps it would always be a guess with Severus.

The three of them talked for a while, well the other two talked and Remus listened, when Remus doubled over in pain. Sweat forming on his brow as small sounds came from him, really the only ones that he could even make anymore, Lily and Severus looked at him with mounting concern and were trying to decide what would be best to do for him when he shook his head and stumbled out the door. Limping heavily as he made his way down the corridor, aware that they were following him as he tried to find some way to stop the burning that was growing worse with every passing day, the burning that he was sure was going to consume him.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	12. Realization

12.

It really was a shame that Remus had no idea where he was or even where he was going, as it was he was moving farther and farther into a little used portion of the gigantic castle. He had been walking for a good three quarters of an hour, staggering and limping down corridor after corridor before finally slumping against a wall and sliding down to the floor, his body shaking from pain and exhaustion; Remus pulled his injured leg towards his chest and wrapped his good hand around it. He felt more than heard Severus and Lily sit down on either side of him, he jumped when they both placed a comforting hand on his shoulder; his breathing was rather erratic as he tried to calm himself down and managed to lift his head and smile tentatively at both of them. They were watching him with such concern and pity that Remus immediately felt guilty that they had followed him on his wandering of the castle, he wanted to reassure them that he was fine but he didn't think that he could or if it would even work.

They sat together in companionable silence for a while before Lily got up and said that they should head back to their dorms or at least to dinner, Remus struggled for a moment before finally making it to his feet and following her after Severus also stood. In a surprisingly short amount of time they came upon the entrance to the Great Hall, they had to part ways in order to sit at their proper tables and Lily sat with the girls from her dorm while Remus slowly made his way to sit alone at the end of the table. He didn't mind sitting alone, he didn't dare eat anything though as he remembered what had happened the last time he had eaten something that Peter hadn't given him; Remus unconsciously rubbed his arm over the burn that had been earned that day. He ducked his head as he noticed the teachers staring at him, wishing that the others would hurry and finish eating, he got down from the table and hop-limped out of the Hall and towards the stairs to wait for Lily and Severus to be done. Remus really didn't want the teachers involved; he knew that if they got involved then things were only going to get worse.

Days later there was a clamor coming from the other end of a corridor and up a flight of stairs, Lily and Severus had been discussing what they should do about Remus when they heard yelling and running footsteps, they both turned and moved forward to see what the commotion was about.

Peter was angry, well he was always angry lately but this time he was more angry than usual and that scared Remus, so when Peter had come towards him with his wand raised and that cruel glint in his eye, Remus had done the only thing he could think of…he ran. He had run from their dorm, through the common room, out the portrait hole and down a corridor…not an easy feat with a twisted leg but he'd had to run as fast as he could; all the while hearing Peter behind him and hearing the insults that Peter sent after him.

"RUN FREAK, JUST LIKE A COWARD. YOU AREN'T EVEN BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE A PROPER HALF-BREED ARE YOU? WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK HERE SO I CAN HAVE SOME FUN WITH THE MONSTER, YOU OWE ME FOR WHAT I DO FOR YOU! GET BACK HERE FILTHY HALF-BREED!" Peter was running after Remus as fast as his legs could take him and he was swiftly gaining and he would have overtaken the creature if it hadn't been for the fact that a certain Slytherin had placed the full-body bind curse on him, making him topple to the ground and land on his face.

Lily had followed Remus after she and Severus had seen and heard what was going on, they had quickly decided that she would follow Remus while he dealt with Peter. It was shocking to her that Peter, little-fat-thick Peter was the one tormenting Remus, he may not be doing it alone but the fact that he was helping was quite a shock to both Lily and Severus. It took a while for Remus to stop running and when he finally did, he collapsed against a wall and sat there shaking with his knees pulled up to his chest and a hand wrapped around his slightly twisted leg. When Lily got close to him she noticed that he had blood running down his arm and dripping from his fingers, this was quickly overshadowed by the fact that at her approach his head swung up and his eyes were wild and afraid, even after she knew he recognized her. Remus shrank away from her touch, wrapping his arms tighter around his legs and shaking violently, his breathing ragged and fast; he couldn't seem to catch his breath and he wouldn't let her or Severus close to him when he arrived. They glanced at each other and exchanged worried glances, both of their attentions returning to the cowering boy before them as he began to cough and choke, still unable to catch his breath; he coughed into his knees and shrank into the wall as they attempted to come nearer. Resting his face against his knees he closed his eyes and turned slightly away from them, tensing as though waiting for something to happen to him, they didn't notice the blood now on his cheek nor the way his body shook more and more violently.

Remus was tired of running and tired of keeping his promise to Peter, he knew he couldn't do anything about it but he was so tired of being afraid all the time. He was even afraid of Lily and Severus and they had never done anything to him, but they would. Remus knew that they too would turn on him as soon as they knew the truth, just like Peter, just like James and just like Sirius. There was no other course of action, no other possible reaction; they would hate him too as soon as they found out, he couldn't stay here…he would have to leave school after this year and be on his own when he grew up, just like the others of his kind. For all he was, was a disgusting, evil thing; a werewolf who was doomed to be hated and turned against for the rest of his life, a boy who would become a monster once again tonight and he could do nothing about it...he was only a monster.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	13. Full-moon

13.

_He had run from them…again. Why did he always end up running from the two who wanted to help and actually seemed to like him? Maybe he was a coward or perhaps running was so ingrained into him that he couldn't actually do anything else anymore. But, he'd had to run hadn't he, he had to get away or he could have done something horrible…then again he already was something horrible, wasn't he? If he weren't something horrible then why would his dorm mates be the way that they were, why would they hate him so much? If he weren't something horrid, then perhaps he wouldn't be where he was now—in a shack far from the school to keep the others safe from the monster that dwelt with them. _

Pain, excruciating-maddening-hope to die-bone snapping-searing-agony that seemed to never end. Spine stretching and snapping as it turned and changed positions and reattached to his legs as they moved backwards and his knees moved around. His ribs snapping like twigs and re-growing longer and in different places, fur pushing out of every pore on his body and covering him entirely in a dense golden brown coat.

_Why did this always have to hurt so much? Shouldn't he be used to it by now, he had done this so many times… yet it was never easier, never less painful. If anything, it seemed to get more painful each time instead of less. Why couldn't he just be normal instead of a monster? It was something he would always be, there was no cure and there was no place for people like him in the world of wizards, nor the one of muggles…he would always be alone._

The wolf howled in the shack that it was kept in, howling at the moon and the freedom it felt as it was finally freed from the human body that trapped it. It snarled at the walls, the only things keeping it from the scent of the humans that were so close and yet just out of reach. Teeth bared it growled and ran into the walls, ramming its shoulder against the wall. Angry at the lack of progress, the wolf rammed into different walls as it tried once again to break out of the shack and farther into freedom.

The wolf bit and scratched itself, tearing and ripping with a vengeance at the body that couldn't break free from its second prison. It didn't feel as strong as before, as though something had or was weakening it. Something wasn't right, it hurt and was dizzy, not able to run and smash itself into things as it normally did, it wanted to smash into things. However it was unable to do so for long before it tired and had trouble being steady enough to run and bash into things as much as it wanted to. All night it howled, and tore everything apart; nothing with its reach escaped its wrath. It howled its anger, its anguish and its loneliness into the night, feeling as alone as it new the boy felt and it hated feeling like the weak boy who held it captive.

When Madam Pomfrey came for the boy the next morning, at first she wasn't sure where he was. He wasn't on the main floor, or at least she didn't think he was. A search of the second floor yielded no results and by now she was in a bit of a panic, where could he have gone? She searched the first floor again in a near frantic state, she was about to send for the headmaster—thinking that the boy had somehow gotten out—when she came upon a corner where there was a huddled shape covered in blood with what appeared to be some bone exposed. Madam Pomfrey hurried over to the unconscious form, kneeling beside him and conjuring a stretcher, healing the injuries that would prevent her from moving him until she could get him to the hospital wing. He was barely breathing, he had lost so much blood and he was deathly still, not even wincing as she moved his prone form to the stretcher and into the castle. There was no doubt in Pomfrey's mind; this full moon was the worst one yet.

**Sorry for the short chapter, however I thought that this was the best place to end it.**

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	14. Aftermath

14.

Madam Pomfrey was growing increasingly worried for the boy on one of the beds in the hospital wing; he had stopped breathing several times in the past few hours since she had brought him back to the castle. Pomfrey had finally managed to get him breathing consistently and now she was attempting to heal the more serious wounds which the wolf had inflicted; namely his shattered shoulder, the ribs that poked through his skin and his leg which was broken almost to the point that it was beyond even magical repair. She was consumed with worry that he wouldn't make it, and she wondered what had been different with this transformation that had resulted in him being so badly injured.

Madam Pomfrey was snapped out of her concentration by the sound of someone opening the hospital wing door; she closed the curtains around the bed with a flick of her wand and strode hurriedly over to investigate who was coming in so early.

James and Sirius were apprehensive as they slipped as quietly as possible into the hospital wing, they knew that Remus hadn't returned last night and though they knew why, they still wanted to see for themselves. They hadn't even managed to catch a glance of him before the matron had closed the curtains and come rushing over to see who had disturbed her patient. She looked at them in confusion for a moment before asking calmly and politely.

"What can I do for you two this morning?"

"We wanted to see our frie—Remus. To see if he was alright is he, Madam Pomfrey?" Sirius asked rather worriedly.

"No he is not alright, and he may not be alright again…I am not sure if he will make it through the next few hours." Pomfrey's face grew more and more grim as she spoke and her thoughts went back to the boy laying on the bed.

The two boys looked at each other in alarm, wanting to see him more than they did before. James and Sirius darted around the matron and nearly ran to the bed at the end of the wing, Sirius was the first to reach it and he drew back the curtain to reveal the barely alive form of Remus Lupin. Both boys stood motionless, their eyes wide with shock as they stared at the boy who lay on the bed, they saw the bones poking through his skin, they saw how thin he was and the many bruises which had been inflicted by both the wolf and by Peter. What they saw made them grow pale and shaky, they had never seen someone this injured and it was made worse by the fact that they knew that Peter'd had a hand in Remus's condition, even if they didn't know exactly what had been going on.

Pomfrey had followed them swiftly, but not swiftly enough to prevent them from seeing the boy's condition. She gently pulled them away, closed the curtains, and drew them to a different bed to administer a potion to each of them for shock. After administering the potion she sat down in a chair beside them and began talking rather seriously though still calm.

"I assume that you both know about Lupin then. I do not know why this time was so much worse than before, however I must tell you that I highly doubt that he will survive. I have to get back to attempting to heal him, you can either come back later when I am finished or you can stay here quietly". The matron then stood and walked swiftly away, disappearing behind the curtains that hid the boy and beginning the long and arduous process that would hopefully save his life.

The boys sat there for a moment as they listened to Madam Pomfrey cast spell after spell in hopes of healing him, each wondering if the boy would live. Slowly they stood and slipped out of the hospital wing, unable to stay, for the guilt that they felt in not stopping Peter, for they knew that if they had stopped him then perhaps Remus's injuries would not be as severe. They hadn't actually helped Peter in his torment of their dorm mate, but neither had they helped Remus in any way. They knew that what had been going on wasn't right, yet they had both been having a hard time thinking of Remus as a normal boy; of course he wasn't normal and they should have accepted what he was when they discovered it instead of leaving him to Peter. Hopefully they could make it up to him, if he ever woke up. They were both so consumed with their guilt and worry that neither of them noticed the two figures hurrying towards the hospital wing, they didn't stop and insult the boy as they normally would have and though the other two noticed this, they were too worried about the fate of Remus to stop and wonder why. Though both sets of people were going in opposite directions and had entirely different emotions running through them, they were both thinking of only one thing; was Remus going to be alright?

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	15. Recovery

15.

He thought that he should have been in excruciating pain, yet he felt nothing. No pain, no discomfort, and none of the burning that had become a constant feeling within him for weeks. The worrying part was that he couldn't feel his limbs or even any part of his body; he felt as though he was floating, unattached to anything. He couldn't see, hear, smell or even feel anything about himself or his surroundings…it was frightening, for he felt as though he could be swallowed up by the nothingness that surrounded him.

He floated there for what seemed an eternity before he became aware of a low rumbling which started and stopped at strange and uneven intervals. Gradually he made the realization that someone was speaking, yet he couldn't make out more than a few words as his ears and brain didn't seem to be connected and were attempting to reconnect. About the time that he could distinguish words, he became aware that there were actually two voices and they seemed to be rather close to him. And though they sounded muffled, as if they were under-water, he was able to make out some of the words.

"But…won't…headmaster. …not sure…will…wake-up."

"Perhaps….St. Mungos…better…him."

"I…send…Lupin…St. Mungos! …treat…werewolves…worse…animals…never…same again."

Remus couldn't quite understand what was being said, only that they seemed to be discussing him and whether to send him away or not. He didn't think that he was that bad, then again he couldn't feel anything and he was barely capable of hearing things; perhaps he was in extremely bad shape…even for a full-moon. He wasn't sure when the voices had left or even how long he had been here, all he could feel was the nothingness which consumed him.

**Madam Pomfrey's POV:**

Madam Pomfrey was beside herself with worry for the boy who had lain immobile on the hospital bed for nearly five days, she had healed what she could yet he still wouldn't wake up. She had been astonished to see how thin he was, and she couldn't figure out why some of his wounds had taken much longer than normal to heal…it was as though something was preventing them from healing. She was also a little confused and perhaps concerned when neither James or Sirius came back to see their friend, yet Lily and Severus had been here every day and hardly left his side when they weren't in classes.

When Albus Dumbledore had entered the hospital wing that morning, she was a bit surprised and then taken aback when he asked to see the boy and then wanted to know his progress—as he hadn't asked something like that before. The boy looked peaceful as he lay there, she thought that she saw his hand twitch, yet she couldn't be sure that it had.

"All of his wounds have healed, but the boy won't wake, headmaster. At this point, I am not sure if he ever will wake-up."

"Perhaps we should send him to St. Mungos, it may be better for him and they might be able to help him if he ever wakes up. We cannot keep him here long term if he doesn't wake."

"I will not send Remus Lupin to St. Mungos! You know how horribly they treat werewolves, they are worse than animals in the eyes of those healers; he would never be the same again. I will not send the boy there Dumbledore, I won't do it."

The boy had chosen that moment to make his presence known, his hand twitched more noticeably than before and she had perhaps been a little too smug in her glance at the headmaster as he noticed and then swept out of the hospital wing. As he left, she could have sworn that she had seen the twinkle back in his eyes. Pomfrey moved quickly to Lupin's side, watching for any further movement; this meant that he was in there and that he would wake up, hopefully soon.

**Normal POV:**

It was a few days before Remus was able to leave the hospital wing, he felt better than he had in a while, and was grateful that the matron had healed him and not let him get sent to St. Mungos. He still couldn't speak and the burning hadn't stopped. Remus no longer looked as though he was little more than a walking skeleton and the matron had fixed his hand as well as his leg, hopefully this meant that he could run faster now if he needed to. He didn't think that Madam Pomfrey knew that he couldn't speak or she probably would have fixed that too, but at the moment he didn't mind. He was leaving with Severus and Lily and even though he was a monster, he was going to be with people who were concerned about him and wanted him around.

As they walked down the corridor to the library, an owl approached them and hovered in front of Remus. After he took the bit of parchment from the bird and watched it fly away, he unfurled it and read the short message.

**Help is coming, you will be safe again.**

Remus didn't recognize the handwriting, however he felt a bit of hope that had come from the message, hope that someone else knew and didn't want to hurt him like Peter did. He continued walking with the other two towards the library—to help him catch up on his homework—wondering who wanted to help, and dreading seeing Peter again that night.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	16. Determined

16.

Remus decided that he didn't resent any of the professors, he knew that at least one had noticed, yet with him keeping to himself, sitting silently in the back and leaving as soon as class was over…he wasn't that surprised that they hadn't talked to him about it. The one that had noticed, he almost wished hadn't, for this particular teacher already thought him weak and the recent events had solidified that opinion for said teacher. No, Remus didn't resent his teachers at all. Besides why should they care what happened to the werewolf anyway?

He thought about this among other things as he lay awake that night, listening to the others as they slept and wondering if even Lily and Severus would turn away from him if they knew the truth of what he was. He understood Peter's reaction and his hatred towards him, it was the normal response to finding a monster in your midst…harder to understand were James and Sirius's responses of not doing anything other than looking at him with a mixture of hurt and pity. Even more confusing were the notes from someone who knew his secret and wanted to help, yet didn't want him to know who it was. Though perhaps that was because they didn't want to be associated with a werewolf even if they were the only one to know about it.

Remus sighed in frustration, tugging slightly on the ropes that bound his wrists to the bed and hoping that the rather loud growl his stomach gave would not awaken the others, as he thought about the odd occurrence of earlier that night.

_Peter had only been able to hit him once before the other two had stormed into the dormitory. James had pulled Peter away and then stood between in front of him so that Peter could no longer see Remus; Sirius had come striding over with a look close to fury on his face. Remus had flinched when Sirius's hand appeared before him, then giving a sigh; Sirius had taken his hand and pulled him to his feet; glaring at Peter and looking at Remus with what appeared to be concern. He had been in a state of shock, looking first at Sirius and then at James—who were both looking at him with a mixture of pity and worry—then he had noticed Peter's murderous expression and had promptly backed away and whipped out some parchment to hurry and do Peter's homework in the hopes that maybe he would be left alone for a while. That strategy had worked until the other two had gone to bed. Then Peter had kicked him, broke his right hand so badly that it looked as twisted as the left had been before it was healed, and then tied him to the bedpost. _

Remus was worried about what would happen tomorrow, for not only were Sirius and James behaving oddly, but Peter was sure to be angry again. At least he had been allowed a couple rolls and some water…perhaps tomorrow he could sneak down to the kitchens and get some fruit. Except that Peter would know, he seemed to know everything that Remus did and that was one of the more scary things about him. Twisting his back against the post as he tried to get more comfortable and at least try to sleep before classes tomorrow.

Being woken at the crack of dawn by a kick to the ribs is never a pleasant experience, yet that is how Remus was awoken the next morning. He jolted awake, coughing as he was kicked in the stomach. Not looking up at his assailant, for he knew that doing so would get him more of the same, so he kept his head down and waited as Peter landed blow after blow on him until he was done. When Peter had finished hitting him, he unbound his wrists from the bed, tossed him some breakfast—bread and water—and then left the room to go down to the Great Hall for his own breakfast. Remus devoured his breakfast quickly and silently went into the bathroom to sneak a shower while Peter was gone and the others were asleep.

Reveling in the warm water, he looked at the bruises forming on his: torso, legs, and back. He studied his broken and twisted hand and his heart sank; how was he supposed to hold a wand with his hand this way? Perhaps it wouldn't be too bad if he used his left for everything, would that affect his ability to cast spells? Remus stared down at his stomach and tried to conceal the agony that the burning feeling produced inside him, feeling as though flames were shooting out from his belly and into the rest of his body, slowly burning away at his insides until there would be nothing but ash.

Upon emerging from the bathroom, Remus noticed that the other two were awake and he hurriedly dropped off his pj's, grabbed his book bag and edged towards the door. He didn't really have a reason to be afraid of them, yet he was wary of their strange behavior from the night before…it confused him and he wasn't sure what it meant. They both watched him, neither of them moving towards him nor speaking, only watching with an indiscernible expression as he turned and ran down the stairs and out of the common room. He didn't stop running until he got to the potions classroom and slumped against the wall as he waited for the rest of the class to arrive.

Remus managed to smile a little at Severus and Lily that day as they spent time together after their classes and studied for the upcoming exams. They had both been furious when they had seen his hand and realized that he was still being hurt even after his long stay in the hospital; both of them were determined to put a stop to this, no matter who was behind this. No one was going to hurt Lupin for much longer, not if they could do anything about it.

There were times when he almost felt like a normal child, and the time that he managed to spend with Lily and Severus were some of the better ones; he felt as though he were nearly normal and not some monster who they would turn against the minute that they found out. He knew that he really should tell them, except that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone what he was, even if they were his friends. It was as he was helping Severus with a particularly difficult charms essay that he decided that they had to know, even if they decided not to be around him and turned on him as the others had. They had to know what they were spending their time around and what they had decided to befriend; he was going to tell them the next day, no matter the outcome.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	17. Relief and another realization

17.

Remus looked at the floor, his head down, shoulders slumped and his body trembling as he waited. How could he have been so stupid? Why had he thought that telling them would be any different than it had been with the others, why did he have to ruin everything? He refused to cry, he had already cried too often in front of them as well as in general, and he wouldn't do so any more. Peter had said that werewolves don't have feelings, nor do they have friends. Yet he had feelings, even if he didn't have friends; did that mean that he should bury them and attempt to not feel or show emotion? Perhaps it would be best if he could no longer feel anything, no longer be hurt or afraid, simply indifferent to what happened and to those around him. Remus felt something shift within him, changing him and seeming to lock part of himself away in a deeper part of his mind. He stood there afraid to look up, and unable to move from the room as they were blocking the only way out of the room, he would have to remain until they finished with him.

So preoccupied was he within his thoughts, that he failed to notice the approach of Lily, he flinched when a hand was placed on his shoulder and another was placed under his chin to make him look up. Remus gulped slightly and slowly met the bright green eyes of Lily, noticing the kindness, sorrow, and pity that were easily discernible within their depths. He was surprised not to find any fear, or anger in her eyes, he was even more surprised when she stepped forward and hugged him tightly. Remus stiffened for a moment, then hesitantly, he hugged her back, glancing over her shoulder at Severus who had remained by the door and had an unreadable expression on his face. Remus hadn't thought that Lily would be understanding or even that she wouldn't fear him, he was glad that she didn't and still wanted to be around him. It had been foolish of him to think that Severus would want to be around him as well…he had been raised knowing about werewolves and how evil they were so of course he wouldn't want to be around Remus anymore; not now that he knew the truth. Therefore he was rather shocked when he felt another pair of arms go around him, Severus—the boy who didn't hug anyone or show much emotion—was hugging him, was hugging a werewolf…and he didn't seem to mind. For a moment the three of them stood there, enveloped in a hug and none of them wanted to let go. Not the girl who felt as though she had lost her sister when she gained this new world, not the boy who came from a home where he was nearly as unwanted and unwelcome as a werewolf, and not the werewolf himself—who never thought that he could actually have friends if they knew his secret—they all clung to each other as though they each understood what the other was feeling and were offering as well as accepting comfort from the others.

Immediately after Remus had told them what he was—well more wrote it down for them to read, as he still couldn't speak—both Lily and Severus had known why these things had happened to Remus and they knew that this was also the reason that he was scared all the time and was always ill once a month. Although things now made sense to them, neither of them thought that it was right that Remus was treated this way, and they both silently promised to be there for him and remain his friend, regardless of the fact that they now knew what he was. They were closer now that they knew what was going on and the reason behind all the secrecy as well as the problems that Remus was currently having and they would all remain close friends.

A few days later they were walking down to the library—taking it rather slow as Remus was limping and clutching at his stomach with his good hand—attempting to further study for an essay in transfiguration, when Remus began coughing. None of them thought much of it until he couldn't stop and he began choking. He bent over, covering his mouth with his twisted hand and using his other hand to hold onto the wall for balance. Severus was growing more worried as the boy became paler and couldn't catch his breath, Lily hurried to his side and began trying to steer him to the hospital wing. Severus hurried and got on his other side so that he was supported equally between them and so that Lily wasn't taking all the weight—though Remus hardly weighed anything—they moved as fast as they thought was safe for the boy as he continued to cough and choke. Lily was the first to notice that he was coughing harder and that his hand had blood on it, she grew afraid for the boy and hoped that Madam Pomfrey would be able to figure out what was wrong with him. Upon reaching the hospital wing, they were instantly set upon by the matron who whisked the still coughing Remus off to a bed where she began muttering to herself and waving her wand to figure out what was wrong with him. Severus and Lily stood forgotten near the door, watching and worrying as his coughing got worse and he was getting less and less oxygen, they each felt so helpless and they hated it.

He had finally stopped coughing, been given a potion to replenish some of the blood he had lost, had his broken hand healed, and was currently laying in one of the beds in the hospital while Madam Pomfrey grew more and more angry as she searched for the cause of his coughing fit and apparent internal bleeding. Remus watched as the matron's normally kind face grew livid, she waved her wand over his stomach and he tried to keep from moving as he felt something shifting and felt something else leave his body. She turned and looked at him, her face angrier than he had ever seen it.

"Why didn't you come in sooner Remus? I could have prevented the internal bleeding and the mini-ruptures in your organs as well as the pitting on your bones, this could have easily been avoided…haven't you felt any pain lately?"

Remus slowly nodded his head, wondering what she was so upset about and what could have caused the things she was talking about. The matron sighed wearily and told him as calmly as she could.

"You had a rather large amount of silver in your body Remus, I am not sure how you managed that but frankly I am amazed that you are alive. Your body was being eaten away from the inside, why didn't you come in sooner?" Madam Pomfrey looked at him sadly and silently handed him another potion to take that would help his body heal faster.

Remus felt better than he had since Christmas, the burning was gone…it felt strange to be without the constant agony that had been growing for so long. He started shaking as he realized where the silver had come from, the rolls and water that Peter had given him; they had tasted funny, yet he had dismissed it, thinking that they were old. Remus was suddenly very afraid as he came to the only available conclusion; Peter had tried to kill him.


	18. Rage

18.

Peter was rather irritated and well slightly afraid as well. One thing which he had not expected was to have Sirius and James so mad at him and actually gang up on him; he had thought that they would be happy or even proud when they learned that he had been feeding Remus silver; ensuring a slow, painful torturous death. Why on earth where they so upset over the fact that he had attempted to kill the filthy half-breed? It didn't make sense to him and as soon as he got his hands on the freak, he was going to make it pay for whatever James and Sirius were about to do to him. How had they even found out? If the stupid monster had told someone then it would be lucky if it managed to survive the night, Peter would see to it that the freak was either dead or close to it by the nights end and it would not tell anyone again, nor would it go searching for help. Peter was going to teach the half-breed exactly what it meant to be a half-breed and the proper meaning of fear; the thing would know how to be afraid by the time that the night was over.

James had been wandering the halls of the school, not really sure what he was searching for, he had just turned a corner when he saw two figures supporting a third who couldn't seem to breathe properly. They seemed to be heading towards the hospital wing, James was about to continue down the corridor without giving them a second thought before he got close enough to see that the one that was being supported was Lupin. It took a moment for James to get over his shock enough to be able to move forward and follow them, hoping to get close enough to hear what was wrong with him and yet be far enough away that Snivellus wouldn't see him and possibly cause a problem, for right now it was more important to figure out what was wrong with Lupin. He had hurriedly whipped out his invisibility cloak and followed a bit more closely now that he was no longer in danger of being seen; he stayed by the bed that Lupin was placed on as the matron waved her wand to figure out what was wrong with him. When he heard that Lupin had silver inside him and that it had been eating away at his insides, James was furious and he departed from the hospital wing as silently as he could; he had to talk to Sirius, and then they had to find that son-of-a-mongrel known as Peter.

James didn't think that anyone could be more angry or scary looking than McGonagall, he was wrong and that in itself was rather scary for him. Sirius was livid. James had had to physically restrain him in order to keep him from throttling Peter where he stood—of course James had been hard pressed not to strangle the git as well—Peter'd had the nerve to simply stand there and look at them rather incredulously. James was attempting to restrain Sirius from physically harming Peter, though there was nothing he could do about Sirius's wand waving, and honestly James didn't want to stop Sirius from harming Peter. James had never been this angry before and he was unsure how to deal with it, or even what the appropriate outlet would be for said anger.

"How DARE you try to kill him! Neither of us has agreed with what you have been doing to him, but neither have we helped him—which I deeply regret—however I think that I remember telling you NOT to kill him!" Sirius snarled, his face contorted into an expression beyond fury, he waved his wand and muttered a hex that he had been saving for Snape. This seemed a much more worthy cause, especially when Snape was the one that was helping Lupin instead of them….they couldn't quite bring themselves to dislike the boy as much as they had previously.

Peter yelped as the hex hit him and he was instantly covered in boils—burning, angry looking boils, covering every inch of his skin—Peter hunched over, his hands clutching his face.

"He was always a better, kinder person than you. _You_ are the monster, not him! Lupin may be a werewolf, but _you_ are the one who inflicts pain and suffering on those around him, he is utterly incapable of harming another person while you seem incapable of anything resembling kindness!" Both James and Sirius fired hex after hex at the boy before them, not stopping as they vented their anger and made him nearly unrecognizable.

His knees buckled and he fell to the floor as he was hit with more hexes, changing his skin, hair and nails…making them grow and twist, his skin growing rough and splotchy. He cowered on the floor before James and Sirius, watching their raised wands from between his fingers, a sense of fear growing inside him, wondering what they would do to him.

For ten minutes both James and Sirius cast spell after spell at the boy before them, reducing him to an unrecognizable quivering mass, cowering before them. Both boys slowly lowered their wands and turned from him, giving looks of utter disgust at the boy on the floor and storming out of the dormitory, leaving Gryffindor tower and hoping to find Lupin before he was discharged from the hospital so that they could apologize profusely; they both wondered if he would even be able to accept them as his friends again.

Peter waited until he was sure that the others would have left before making his way down to the hospital wing—the matron healed him in seconds and he didn't even have to tell her what happened—then he returned to Gryffindor tower. He seethed silently as he waited in the common room for the return of the freak, so he could extract his revenge for what had been done to him.

**Thank you for reading, I do hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Please R&R. **


	19. Breaking free

19.

Upon reaching the common room that night Remus was happier and feeling better than he had been in a long time, Lily and Severus still wanted to be his friends and Madam Pomfrey had healed him of the awful burning feeling that had plagued him for nearly two months. He was actually smiling as he walked through the portrait hall and looked briefly around the common room, his smile abruptly vanished when something hard hit him in the side of the head and sent him to the floor; he looked up hurriedly and saw Peter with his fists raised and coming closer. Remus crawled backwards until he hit a wall and could go no farther, he didn't want to take his eyes off of Peter as he blindly searched for the stairs up to the dormitory. He watched in terror as Peter moved forward until he was looming over him with his fists raised and in one fist he held his wand.

"HOW DARE _YOU _TELL SOMEONE! HOW DARE _YOU_ GET HELP! WHO TOLD YOU THAT A WEREWOLF COULD HAVE OR EVEN _DESERVES_ MEDICAL ATTENTION?" Peter snarled at the trembling boy before him, landing a punch or a kick with every word.

Remus curled into a ball, attempting to minimize the area that Peter could hurt and trying to get away as quickly as he could. Peter noticed his attempt to get away by shifting backwards and grabbed the smaller boy's thin wrist and threw him across the room where he landed by the lit fireplace. Remus clutched his badly bruised wrist and struggled to stand, only to be sent crashing back to the floor when Peter threw a crystal ball—that was left from the fourth-years homework—and hit him square in the chest.

"_You _are nothing, you will always be nothing and no one could ever want to be friends with a filthy half-breed like you." Peter kicked him hard in the stomach, grinning as the boy coughed up blood onto the floor.

Remus knew then that Peter was wrong, there actually were people who wanted to be and were friends with him and they knew that he was a werewolf. Peter was wrong about that and he was wrong about him not deserving to have medical help, Peter was just simply wrong and that gave Remus the power and bravery to break through the curse placed on his tongue and speak for the first time in nearly two months. Though his voice was hoarse and slightly weak, it was firm and full of conviction.

"No, you are wrong. There are people who want to be friends with me and they know what I am, they have been my friends and will still be my friends no matter what, for they know the truth. I don't have to be proud of what I am, but I can't change it and I have accepted that I am a monster, but I am _not _friendless…nor am I worthless." Remus didn't notice the approach of two people, neither did he notice when they stood behind Peter; he did notice Peter's face grow increasingly more livid.

Peter lowered his wand, his mind made up to use an unforgivable on the freak that was before him, not caring that he could go to Azkaban for what he was about to do, he saw the boy flinch and he smiled as he started the incantation.

"Cru-"

"You are right Remus, you do have friends and you are not worthless, however you are wrong on one other thing…you are absolutely _not _a monster, Peter is." James spoke with such conviction and his words had such finality that it left no room for argument nor for doubt.

Remus's eyes widened and he peered around Peter to see both James and Sirius standing there with their wands trained on Peter. Peter had whirled around upon hearing James and was staring at them both with a mixture of disbelief and betrayal. Sirius spoke next, his voice cold and his wand unwavering from Peter.

"You will not touch him again, even though he technically is a dark creature, he is far better than you are or ever could hope to be. He would _never _hurt you, or any of us and yet you would torture and kill him without a second thought, you are the real monster here Peter. Not Remus." Sirius had moved closer to Remus as he spoke and he extended his hand towards the small, scared boy on the floor.

Remus cautiously took the hand offered to him, clinging to it as though it were a life-line. He stood as he was pulled to his feet; he looked at both of the boys who stood before Peter, looking at them in wonder and confusion mixed with a little hope. He was pulled out of the portrait hole and into the corridor as James and Sirius backed out of the common room, never taking their eyes or their wands from Peter. When the portrait hole closed, they all breathed a sigh of relief and Sirius turned to the stunned boy who he and James had just saved. After looking him over and deciding that there wasn't any serious damage done to the boy, he gently took hold of his shoulder and started down the corridor.

"Let's get you something to eat; you are far too thin Remus. We will have to fix that." He gulped and said softly as they continued walking "I am sorry, we both are so sorry. We should never have allowed this to happen to you, we both hope that you can forgive us and we can be friends again, even if it can't be right away."

Remus looked from one boy to the other, trying to figure out what to say. He wanted to be friends with them again and he thought that they could be, especially since they had just helped him escape from Peter. They reached the kitchens and soon had a feast spread before them; Remus ate anything and everything that he wanted, relishing how good even simple things such as apples and potatoes tasted. He finally found his voice and said rather quietly.

"I think that we can be friends, at least I want to be. I am sorry for lying to you both and keeping what I am from you, we thought it was safer that way for everyone and it was the only way that I could attend school." Remus was staring down at his plate as he finished speaking, fiddling with a piece of bacon that was tempting him to eat it.

James and Sirius smiled at each other and then at Remus, James was the one who spoke for them both this time.

"We understand that, and probably would have done the same. We really are sorry Remus…friends?"

"Friends." Remus smiled at the two boys across from him, who promptly began eating as well.

They told stories and laughed together until the wee hours of the morning, when they crept back to the tower and fell asleep, feeling as though everything was right in the world again, even if they had to be three Marauders instead of four.


	20. Glimpse of the future

20.

Remus remained friends with Lily for the rest of her life; his friendship with Severus lasted only until fifth year when a certain prank turned Severus against him. James and Sirius would always remain his closest friends throughout school and even afterwards. For the rest of second year, none of them spoke to Peter and they guarded Remus most carefully; it wasn't until the middle of their third year that Peter was welcomed back as he had changed over the summer and had apologized most profusely to everyone, but especially Remus. Though James and Sirius were never "friends" with Severus, they stopped bothering him as much, even if it was only for a short time.

Though Peter was "friends" again with the Marauders, he wasn't fully trusted or accepted until the end of their sixth year…even then Sirius was the one who remained skeptic and cold at times towards him. The four of them were always together, and most would say that they were as close as siblings…if it were not for one thing that happened on a certain Halloween night and the following day, however even then no one suspected what had really happened.

**Peter's thoughts.**

They had contacted him; they had seen, approved and congratulated him for what he had done to the filthy half-breed. It had to remain a secret, especially from his "friends"; even if they weren't his friends anymore. They had betrayed him and gone over to the freak, they would rather be friends with a monster than with him. Well, he could pretend to be his friend too and then when he was ready; they would **all **pay.

For the rest of their time at school he was polite and friendly, deceiving all of them every day, and making them believe that he had changed enough to be at least civil to the monster. He even managed to joke around, and invite it over during the summers. He had succeeded and he had fooled them all.

As soon as they left school, he got to work. Joining those who he had been in contact with for so many years, but didn't let anyone know; becoming a spy for the Dark Lord and telling him the secrets he learned as soon as he got away from the meetings with the others. Soon he began to let things slip to the others, things that suggested that the freak wasn't trustworthy, that it was a spy for the Death Eaters. They believed him, or were starting to; all he needed was a little more time. For now the monster wasn't trustworthy anymore and he was ready to put the next part of his revenge into action.

He had absolutely no qualms about telling the Dark Lord where James and Lily lived, why would he, they would rather be friends with the half-breed too, so they should pay. The Dark Lord had been proud of him and for this information, he himself was gleeful when they were dead and he was ready for when Black came for him. He let him think that he was cornered, made sure that the ministry was on their way when he shouted that Black had betrayed James and Lily, smiling as Black raised his wand and he cut off his finger before transforming into a rat. Hunched in the sewers he listened as Black was led away laughing, one of his two regrets was that now he couldn't finish the freak, for it had gone into hiding. And now with the Dark Lord, dead he had nowhere to go, yet **he** had done it, **he **had made them all pay and revenge was wonderful. The best part? Even now no one—well other than Black, but he was in prison and no one would listen to him—suspected him and he had died a "hero's" death.


	21. Third year begins

21.

The three of them had gotten closer over the last part of their second year, as well as during the summer. Sirius and Remus had visited James, later James and Sirius had visited Remus and both times the three of them had had loads of fun and many adventures. Of course it hadn't all been fun. James had nearly drowned one day while playing in the ocean and Sirius had barely avoided a flying accident with a muggle flying machine. But for the most part, their days had been filled with one adventure after the other, from exploring the caves and grotto's along the coast, to discovering a nearly complete skeleton when they had dug up James' yard. Remus didn't think that he had ever had a more fun summer.

It was over now though. The three of them were on the train and making their way back to Hogwarts for their third year. If Remus had said that he wasn't nervous, than he would have been lying; he hadn't seen Peter since the end of their second year, yet he knew that Peter would be there in the same dorm as the rest of them and he would be waiting. Waiting for the moment when Remus would be alone, waiting for the moment to pounce and continue tormenting him. Remus shivered slightly as those thoughts ran through his head, they had been plaguing him quite frequently during the past three weeks and he could never entirely dismiss them. Remus set his jaw, a determined look in his eye; he would not be such an easy target this year, he would fight back even though he wasn't normal…he would fight back to defend himself.

The train ride to Hogwarts was filled with games, joking, the planning of pranks, ideas for making a map of the school (why doesn't one exist yet?), and growling stomachs waiting in anticipation for the feast (the sorting ceremony will take forever! Can't we eat first?).

Darkness had just fallen when the train began slowing down, students started tossing things back into their trunks, and three boys were practically bouncing as the train crawled to a stop. Sirius was the first one out of the compartment door; he was also the first one off the train and in a carriage that waited to pull them up to the school. James and Remus grinned at each other, as their friend disappeared off the train. Both of them followed at a slightly slower pace and joined Sirius in his carriage, Sirius was not waiting patiently for the other students to load and when the carriage finally started moving, he cheered and started peering out the windows to see how close they were to the school. Remus thought that it was rather funny how his friend could be so easy going about most everything else—including schoolwork—yet he was always the first to meals, and he ate a lot.

The feast was as wonderful as always—though Sirius said (through a mouthful of chicken) that this feast was by far, the best. Both James and Sirius had somehow managed to eat three heaping plates of food as well as two for dessert, and Remus suspected that they had also filled their pockets. Dumbledore gave a speech about how the students shouldn't go into the forest, and the rather long list of things which were banned—even if it seemed that not many people paid attention to that list—Remus saw Severus sitting at the end of the Slytherin table and he waved over at his friend. He didn't really expect a wave back and he didn't get one, though he did get a smile that was gone as soon as it appeared. Afterwards they followed the flood of people going to Gryffindor tower, climbed up the winding staircase to their dorm and each of them let out a contented sigh. Each of them was happy to be back at Hogwarts, back to being with their friends and even learning new spells.

Their dorm quickly became the scene of a battle, pillows were strewn from one end of the room to the other, while the contents of said pillows were floating through the air and coating everything in what could easily be mistaken for snow. The three of them ran and leapt around the room, shouting empty threats at one another until they all slumped to the floor, breathing hard and laughing. Completely enjoying themselves, when one of the only things that could have dampened their mood walked into the room a few minutes later. A rather large and often daft boy by the name of Peter Pettigrew.

**I know, I said that the last chapter was the end. However, the story and characters wouldn't leave me alone and so I had to continue writing it. I hope that no one is too upset about that and it is still enjoyable. **


	22. Feathers and hostility

**I was listening to "Just like you" by three days grace and thought that it seemed appropriate for what was going through Sirius' head at the moment. I do hope that you enjoy this chapter and thanks for reading.**

22.

There was dead silence upon Peter's entrance and there was no point in hiding it. Feathers floated lazily down to rest on the floor among the remains of the pillows, Remus could practically feel the waves of hostility coming off of both James and Sirius as Peter entered the room, glanced at the mess, crossed to his bed and closed the curtains around it to hide from the glares of the other two boys. They could hear him moving around in there and the dead silence of the room made each noise seem magnified somehow, making the silence even more profound when he stopped moving around behind his curtains. Sirius in particular was looking at Peter with something akin to hostility, that is until something seemed to click in Sirius' head and a grin spread over his face. That grin worried Remus to no end.

**Sirius POV:**

Watching the great lump walk across the room to his bed was just short of torture. How could _he_ be allowed to sleep here after what he had done to Remus last year? It wasn't fair and it certainly wasn't right. That was when an idea struck Sirius Black, an idea that would not only pay Peter back, but it would also make sure that no one would ever cross him or Remus again.

_I can be mean, I can be angry. You know I can be just like **you.**_

_I can be cold, I can be ruthless. I can be** just **like you. _

He wouldn't back down nor would he change his mind, even if he had to exact revenge by himself. He knew that Remus wouldn't help and he could understand why, but he wasn't sure about James; he could help or he may want nothing to do with this…he would have to ask after he had thought more about this. Sirius would not allow Peter to get away with what he had done to Remus; regardless of the consequences…**no one **hurt his friend and got away with it. Plans were forming in his head and even though he usually tried to deny any contact that he had with his family name, this was one instance which he was glad that he was a Black, for I there was one thing that they did well, it was causing pain to others. Though for tonight, he contented himself with glaring daggers at Peter's bed and plotting how, when, and where to strike first.

**Normal POV:**

Remus was unaware of the death grip that he currently had one of the last remaining pillows in. It wasn't until James pried his hands open and let the pillow fall to the floor that he even realized how tight he had been holding it. Remus shook himself and attempted to smile at the other two boys, it wasn't a very successful attempt but it made him feel slightly better. He was determined not to be afraid of Peter and he wasn't going to be pushed around simply because he was something that wasn't normal. He may be a monster, but he was only a monster once a month and right now he was a boy not a blood thirsty werewolf.

Sirius was still glaring at Peter's bed and that unnerving grin was still on his face; Remus didn't really want to know what was going on his friend's head, from the look on his face, Remus knew that it couldn't be anything good. He was distracted from trying to figure out the look on Sirius' face, by a handful of feathers getting blown into his face, making him shake his head and search for the culprit. It was decided that James was acting just a little _too_ innocent; therefore it was he who received a face full of feathers. Sirius appeared out of nowhere and dumped huge handfuls of feathers on both of them, prompting them to grab him and tackle him to the ground. Covering him in feathers and trying to make them stick without resorting to wands to do so. It may not have been quite as loud as before, but the fight quickly escalated to where the three of them were stuffing feathers down the other's robes, laughing and effectively dispelling the feelings of hostility that had surfaced the moment Peter had walked into the room.

Awhile later they were all sprawled out on the floor, exhausted and breathing hard; feathers sticking up out of their hair and out of their clothes. They talked for a bit about the pranks which they wanted to pull on the school the following week, then one by one they drifted off to sleep. For one of them it was one of the last nights he would have when he would not be plagued by nightmares, yet for now they were sleeping soundly among the piles of feathers strewn over the floor, ceiling, beds, wardrobes, and oddly enough—the walls, of the dormitory. Morning would come soon enough and with it, a return to life at school, detentions, pranks, enemies, and the learning of spells. Little did the three boys know that this was one of the last peaceful and free nights that they would have for a long while. They were blissfully unaware of the threatening figure looming over them, its eyes burning with hate and wanting nothing more than to eradicate one particular boy from all of their lives…forever.

**As much as I want to kill off Peter or else render him incapable of doing more than drooling, he kind of needs to be around for the actual Harry Potter books. As such I regretfully cannot kill him, no matter how much I want to.**


	23. Confrontation

23.

The first couple days of classes were rather harder than the three boys from Gryffindor, had originally thought they would be. It seemed a bit more difficult to fully integrate into the rhythm and schedule of Hogwarts than it had been the previous year, though they only thought so because there was a full moon looming ever closer, and well they each had two more classes than they had the years before.

In all of their classes it seemed as though the teachers had decided that the third-years were now capable of performing spells which were much more difficult than they were used to. Even James was having trouble in Transfiguration, though admittedly not nearly as much trouble as the rest of his classmates.

During their walks to and from classes the three of them would make note of the rooms, corridors, stairways, and secret passageways which they encountered in order for the map that they wanted to create, to be the most accurate. Remus had an idea for the map, but he wasn't sure that it would work; he would have to do some research in the library before he told the others about it.

James was being rather odd, it seemed as though he had gotten even more obsessed with Quidditch (if that was even possible), and now it was all he could talk about. Even his school essays had at least three things having to do with Quidditch in them, he couldn't seem to help himself and the other two weren't sure that he would even if he wanted to. Sirius teased him mercilessly about it—even though he was obsessed as well—and the two of them would often end up wrestling on the floor of either the common room or their dorm. These "wrestling matches" would only end when they had either begun laughing so hard that neither could breathe, or when one of the prefects stormed over and forcefully separated them. Remus often thought that the two of them could have been brothers; they were so similar in their thinking and in what they considered funny that it was rather shocking that they weren't…they even looked similar, well apart from the eyes. They were so similar that there were times when Remus felt like an outsider. Someone who didn't quite belong, even though they had accepted him when so many other wouldn't have and they did so many things together, just the three of them; yet there was no doubting that James and Sirius were closer to each other than they were to anyone else.

Remus hadn't really had a chance to talk to Severus yet, it was only the first week though, so he wasn't too worried about that. What worried Remus were the looks which he sometimes caught Peter giving him…looks of absolute and complete loathing. He knew that Peter wasn't going to simply ignore him, he would have to be careful when he went places alone, or else he was pretty sure that Peter would be there waiting for him.

Currently, Remus was in the library working on a rather large stack of books which he was looking through to help him find spells for both the prank that they wanted to pull at the end of the week; as well as something that would help him place people on the map and would be able to show them actually moving around the castle. He sighed wearily and stretched—popping several joints in the process—he set down his quill and glanced at the books that he still needed to go through. Remus looked at his watch and grimaced when he saw that the library would be closing shortly. He ran a hand through his hair—making it stick up in odd places—then he gathered an armful of his books, returned the others to their proper shelves, grabbed his book-bag, and then made his way towards the door.

Remus decided to make a detour to the kitchens and grab a snack for himself as well as for the other two who were sure to be hungry about now anyway. He had just turned the corner to head down the stairs to the portrait which concealed the kitchens, when he came face-to-face with non-other than Peter. He opened his mouth to apologize, but was cut off by a shove from the other boy which sent him crashing into the wall. Remus dropped his books and hastily scrambled in his pockets for his wand, grabbing it; he drew it out and managed to cast a stinging hex at Peter before his wand was knocked out of his hand. One solid punch later, he was on all fours trying to breathe as a sharp pain shot through his ribs.

Remus had not spent the summer cowering in a corner; he had learned a few things about defending oneself and now was as good a time as any to show Peter that he would not be pushed around again simply for being a monster. Something was growing inside Remus, stretching and pulling at his skin. Making him angry and wanting nothing more than to hurt the person responsible for his torment through the last part of the year. His hands curled into fists, his eyes became wild and angry, he pulled himself to his feet and stood there glaring at Peter. His eyes found those of the other boy and he stared into them, defiance and a cold fury radiating from him; he would not let Peter hurt him this year. Not again. Remus charged at Peter, his fist connecting with Peter's jaw and actually succeeding in making the bigger boy stagger backwards a few feet.

Peter was shocked, he hadn't thought that the freak would or even could fight back. Yet here he was, standing in front of him, looking angrier than Peter had ever seen him and the monster had just punched him. Peter was not going to let that go unpunished. When the half-breed came charging towards him, he simply stepped out of the way. Sending Remus tumbling down two flights of stairs to land in a heap at the bottom, Peter tossed the freak's books and bag down the stairs after him and smirked when the freak didn't move. He hoped that it was hurt, even if he knew that it probably wouldn't have died from that fall...it would at least have a few broken bones, and if not, then Peter could always make sure that that happened later. After all, he had the whole of this year to torment the monster. Oh Peter was very much looking forward to this year, very much indeed.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!**


	24. Stairs and more stairs

24.

It hurt to move, to breath, and for some reason to remain lying on the stone floor. It seemed to take forever before he was capable of forcing his eyes open, and when he did, he wished that he hadn't. Remus groaned and slowly pushed himself onto his hands and knees, nearly falling back to the floor when his left arm buckled under him. His arm didn't seem to want to support him, and when he tried to move it, it sent white-hot stabbing pain shooting through the aforementioned limb and brought tears to his eyes. His legs didn't seem to want to let him stand upon them, they much preferred to collapse and bring the rest of him back to the floor with them. It must have been a conspiracy; they were probably in league with Peter.

Remus would have laughed at the thought that his own legs were conspiring against him, if he weren't trying to pull himself to his feet for the fifth time. It didn't work, his legs simply refused to hold him upright. He couldn't very well leave his books or his bag, so before he changed his mind, he shrunk the books and placed them in his bag, lifted his bag over his head and let it rest on his shoulder. Remus looked up at the stairs which led to the main floor of the castle, he had at least five floors to climb before he would be able to get to Gryffindor tower…there was no point in delaying the inevitable. After a bit of debating with himself, he thought it would be best if he crawled up the stairs, hopefully he would encounter a teacher who he could ask for help in getting back to his dorm. Or he could go to the hospital wing, though he didn't particularly want to simply for falling down the stairs.

Climbing both flights of stairs was nothing short of agonizing, for it was slow and it sent jolts of pain through his arm, legs, and spine every time he moved. Yet he had to keep going, once he got to the top of the stairs, he was sure that he would be able to pull himself along the wall and then make it to the next set of stairs. Remus had promised himself that he wouldn't cry, yet when he finally made it to the next set of stairs he very nearly did. How would he ever get all the way up to Gryffindor tower? It would be morning by the time he managed to reach it. He had no idea where the teachers were, it was just typical that when he and his friends were sneaking around, then there were teachers and ghosts everywhere; yet now that he needed one, they were nowhere to be found. It seemed that everything was against him tonight…if anything cared enough to be against a werewolf and get everything else to be against him too.

It was really rather concerning that he hadn't met anyone on his journey from the kitchens up to the tower; it had taken long enough that he was sure that he would have encountered someone. He was severely out of breath when he made it to the portrait hole, gave the password and managed to get through the portrait and finally up the stairs to his dorm room. The other two were either in there worried about him, or they were running around the castle looking for him; if they were gone, he didn't really want to go in there and be alone with Peter. Heaving a weary sigh, he pushed open the door and froze, taking in the scene before him with huge eyes and mouth open, wondering what on earth happened.

Peter was in the room, but he was not alone and he was not where one would expect him to be. Peter was backed into a corner of the room, blood trickling from a cut above his eye, his face contorted in an expression of contempt which was attempting to mask his fear. And he had every right to be afraid. Sirius and James were standing in front of him, their wands out and twin glares of fury on their faces. Sirius had apparently just hit Peter with a stinging hex and was yelling at him, in a voice that was so angry that Remus was frightened.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM, YOU FILTH? TELL US WHERE YOU LEFT HIM BEFORE I USE YOUR SORRY HIDE TO MOP THE FLOOR! TELL ME!" Sirius was beyond reason; he looked mad as he tossed his wand and resorted to punching the boy in the corner.

James didn't even try to stop him; he looked as though he was trying very hard not to resort to using a particular nasty spell on the boy.

Remus was torn, let the other two continue to hurt Peter, or stop them before they did something that they would regret? It wasn't a very hard decision when he actually thought about it, though he did hesitate just long enough for what must have been a particularly violent punch to connect with Peter's face and break his nose. Remus gulped, he really must be a monster if he not only allowed that to happen, but kind of was glad that it did. His voice was quiet when he spoke, yet all three of the other boys heard him.

"Stop. You don't need to hurt him anymore, I am right here." Remus didn't say that he was fine, because he wasn't entirely sure that he was.

Sirius and James whipped around and stared at him. Peter was instantly forgotten for the moment, as they hurried over to Remus and looked at him closely, he could tell by their faces that he must not look very good, yet neither of them said anything. Sirius helped Remus over to his bed and tried to ignore the way that his friend was limping. James had gone back to where Peter was and cast the body-bind curse on him; he turned towards the other boys and walked towards them, not sparing another glance for the boy who sat motionless in the corner. Remus somehow managed to answer their questions without necessarily implicating Peter, he knew that they weren't fooled, but he couldn't bring himself to outright accuse Peter even if he had actually been the one  
responsible for his trip down the stairs. The other two finally gave up questioning him and left him alone to change clothes and to get some sleep, for which he was grateful...even though he knew that he would have to tell them again in the morning.

Later that night, both James and Sirius promised that Remus would not be going anywhere alone…even if that meant that one of them had to accompany their friend to the library. It was a torture that they were willing to take upon themselves if it meant that Remus would be that much safer this year.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!**


	25. First prank and an inner struggle

25.

That weekend the three Marauders pulled the first prank of the school year. From the moment that the students stepped out of their common rooms and into the main part of the castle, they were turned upside down and had to walk on the ceiling. Many students and teachers attempted to jump from the ceiling to the floor in an attempt to right the world again, yet they were inexplicably pulled back up to the ceiling. It made for an interesting morning to say the least. Breakfast was especially interesting, as everyone had to levitate food from the tables below, up towards themselves in order to eat. Both Sirius and James were rather disappointed when the teachers managed to right everyone by mid-day; they had hoped that the fun would last until at least that night. Remus figured that the teachers had had enough and simply wanted to bring some order back to the school.

Peter avoided all of them for the next week and a half, and while this was an improvement in most things…Remus couldn't help but notice the smug look that appeared on Sirius' face whenever he saw Peter and his swollen and slightly crooked nose. Remus knew it was wrong, yet even he felt no small amount of satisfaction whenever he saw the dark bruise on Peter's jaw, apparently he hit harder than he had originally thought.

He had practically been drug to the hospital wing (though he wasn't attempting to get away from the others), where his fractured arm and leg had been healed almost instantly by Madam Pomfrey.

James and Sirius had both gotten some odd kind of satisfaction that Peter hadn't gone to the matron to heal his nose and Sirius thought that it was fitting that Peter had a crooked nose now. James however, was more irritated that Remus hadn't wanted to "bother the matron" and that he and Sirius had had to forcefully take him to the hospital wing.

While Remus was unsure as to whether he felt that Peter had deserved that, he was more worried about the anger which had surged through his body. It had scared him, even though while he had been so filled with anger that he thought it would consume him, he had wanted nothing more than to exact revenge on Peter for everything that he had put him through. The fact that he had felt that way, made him think that perhaps he was more werewolf, more monster than human. As though the monster was waiting just below the surface, and waiting to get out.

Remus had begun secluding himself, not only from James and Sirius, but from Severus and Lily as well. He was terrified that the monster inside him was growing stronger, and that soon it would be free, free to tear through the castle and harm those who were his friends. Remus couldn't allow that to happen, he had to keep the monster within under control, and to do that he had to be away from people. He was careful though, he didn't go anywhere without his wand and if he saw Peter, then he turned and went a different way.

Remus knew that his behavior was concerning to his friends, yet how could he explain to them about the monster, without them becoming afraid and possibly turning from him, even though they already knew what he was. To Remus it seemed impossible that they had accepted what he was and still wanted to be friends with him, he knew what the world thought about werewolves and he was sure that while his friends may be accepting of what he was; they had never seen the wolf. And if he told them that the wolf had seemed closer to the surface, he was sure that they would turn from him and he wasn't sure that he could deal with that. Perhaps it was better for everyone if he was on his own, separated from people, to keep them safe from him—safe from the monster that dwelt inside him.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! I know this chapter is short, please don't be upset, the next one will be longer.  
**


	26. Monster

26.

**(A/N: I was listening to "Monster" by Skillet and thought that it would work rather well for this chapter.)**

Avoiding his friends was harder than Remus had thought it would be. They always seemed to want to be near him or they seemed to find him shortly after he had managed to get away from them, while he was grateful and amazed that they wanted to protect him…it was getting a little annoying. Didn't they understand that there was a monster inside him, barely contained and wanting to get out? Of course they didn't, he hadn't told them, perhaps he should simply so that they would stop hanging around something as dangerous as he was…they would be safe from him then. He could feel the wolf under his skin, feel it waiting and wanting to be let out, and it would be…tomorrow night it would be let out, freed from its prison.

_The secret side of me I never let you see  
I keep it caged, but I can't control it  
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly  
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it_

Remus was steadily growing more afraid of what he knew was the wolf growing inside him, desperate to be let out, wanting to unleash its anger upon the outside world. He really was a monster, he understood that now. He was a monster, he was waiting, lurking in the shadows…waiting to be set free. He never should have thought that he had ever been anything else, he wasn't like the others and he never would be. There was no escaping what he was—a monster, a half-breed, a freak, and when he got older…something to be put down.

**Full-moon—shrieking shack **

_It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls  
It comes awake, and I can't control it  
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?_

As he sat in the dark, waiting for the moon to rise and set the wolf free, he couldn't help noticing the damage that he had done to this house that Dumbledore and some of the other teachers had made for him. There were marks on the walls where his claws had gouged into the wood, there were hunks of furniture littered about the room, dried blood everywhere, and all of it had been done by him. It didn't matter to him that he hadn't actually been aware of what the wolf had been doing; it was still him who was destroying everything…he who was the monster. He was the one who was a blood-thirsty wolf once a month, the wolf hiding inside him, always wanting out, yet only able to get it's freedom once a month. It was uncontrollable and there was no help for him, there was no cure.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster_

The moon rose and bathed the world in its light, creating a picturesque landscape, with a castle silhouetted against the moon and a lake, which reflected its light. Indeed it was a most beautiful and awe-inspiring sight. Yet for one boy alone, in a shack, it was anything but beautiful. For, it brought immeasurable amounts of agony to him, ripping him apart, breaking his bones, and realigning them to form a different creature. Coarse hair pushing through his skin and covering his body, a tail forcing its way out from the base of his spine, his knees breaking and turning around before solidifying in their new position. His screams rent the night, morphing into howls as his body changed once more into that of a wolf.

_I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster_

_It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp  
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart  
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream  
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster_

The wolf growled low in its throat, its hackles up, fangs bared, and eyes full of hate. It could smell the humans and the scent of one particular human called to it, taunting it with how close it was to the humans. It was free, yet still held captive by the walls of the building. The wolf wanted out of its second prison and when it got out then it would hunt that one scent, the scent of its tormentor, that particular human would not be safe once it got out. It threw itself against the walls until it found a weak point, the wolf moved with renewed vigor, throwing itself against the wall and making it splinter under the force. The wolf paid no attention to the pain in its shoulder, merely irritated as it moved for one final crash into the wall, and went right through it. The wolf howled in triumph and sped forward through the forest and towards the scent of that one human who had tormented it.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster_

The wolf charged through the forest, howling its joy at being free and finally hunting the only thing that it wanted. It halted when it caught the scent of something strange, something…big.

It moved forward cautiously, sniffing curiously until a hut came into view, a hut with a strange smelling individual inside. The wolf wasn't going to waste time on whatever was in there, it moved stealthily around the hut and towards the castle, searching for a way inside, searching for a way to reach its prey.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	27. Attack

27.

The wolf was being uncharacteristically stealthy, it didn't want to be seen and caught before it found its prey, and tonight it wasn't particularly interested in any other human. It didn't have all that much time in which to find the human and actually catch him, the sun would be up soon and when it did, the wolf would once again be imprisoned. The wolf didn't want to encounter a human that wasn't its prey, for that would mean that the time taken to dispatch of said human, would be time taken away from the catching of its intended target. The wolf was pleased that the human wasn't in the tower and instead was near the main floor, that made him a much easier target and the wolf would have a more likely chance of not encountering another human.

The wolf kept to the shadows, sniffing everything it came across and moving as stealthily and quickly as it could towards a dark opening, which the strong scent of its prey was emanating from. If it had been possible for the wolf to grin, then it would have. As it was, the wolf stalked down the hallway and disappeared into the darkness of the room beyond; the human was alone. Alone and in the dark, it was as though this stupid human was inviting the wolf to find and catch him, this human was not expecting an attack, yet he would get one just the same.

The wolf growled low in its throat, as it crouched and slunk forward…inching towards the human until it was mere inches from its prey, then it struck. Its claws raked over the human's leg, tearing four deep gouges in the boy's leg from mid-thigh to his ankle. The wolf's attack elicited a scream from the human as he fell to the floor. Only then did the human see what had attacked it—a wolf with long fangs were perfect for tearing into flesh, eyes so malevolent that they seemed to ooze evil intent from them, leaving the human no doubt about what his fate would be. In that instant the boy was more terrified than he had ever been in his life, he was staring death in the face…a face which would haunt his nightmares for years to come.

The wolf snarled at the human, the human who had caused it pain, had tormented it and had nearly driven it mad. The human who still wanted to hurt it. With fangs bared, it circled the human, watching him cower on the floor, with malice in its eyes. The wolf lunged at the human, jaws apart and ready to clamp down on the human's arm; the wolf never made it to its target, for someone had just walked by and heard the screams from the human and that someone was a teacher. The teacher stunned the wolf, bound its legs, then levitated the boy out of the room, up the stairs and into the infirmary. Another teacher took the wolf back to the shrieking shack, mended the hole in the wall and left, just as the first rays of sunlight peeked over the horizon. The wolf turned slowly back into a boy, a boy with no memory of the night before, a boy who felt more alone than anyone had a right to feel. A boy who was a monster…no one could deny that now.

Remus woke late that morning, tucked into one of the hospital beds and with surprisingly few aches. After a quick glance at himself, he realized that the only thing that really hurt was his shoulder; Remus frowned slightly and wondered what had kept the wolf occupied through the night. He didn't move his shoulder—he could feel it was shattered and didn't want to cause any more damage by moving it, and attempted to turn and look around without moving it too much.

There was another bed occupied, the curtains were drawn around it and he could hear whimpering coming from whoever was behind them. Madam Pomfrey was nowhere in sight, though he could hear her moving bottles around somewhere else in the room. Remus could smell blood, it wasn't his blood though, so it had to be the other person's; he hoped that whatever had happened to the person, wasn't serious.

Throughout the day, Remus was given pain potions and the matron healed his shoulder, he still hadn't seen the other occupant and by evening, he was ready to leave the hospital wing. It must have been his shortest stay ever, and he had no idea what had kept the wolf occupied through the night, he briefly wondered if it was something that could be repeated. The matron had been unusually tight lipped whenever Remus would ask a question, he tried not to think too much about it, yet he had to wonder if even she was changing her mind and now thought him a monster.

As he left the infirmary he stole a quick glance at the person who lay in the bed, through a gap in the curtains he could see brown hair and the familiar face of Peter, staring at the ceiling and looking utterly bored. Remus gulped and hurried out of the infirmary, hoping that Peter wouldn't try to get back at him for whatever had happened. As he climbed the stairs to Gryiffindor tower, he wondered what Sirius had done to Peter that would land him in the hospital wing; he probably wouldn't find out though, for that would mean breaking his promise to avoid the others.

Remus clambered through the portrait hole, turned and walked up the stairs to the dorm. Upon opening the door he saw James and Sirius talking to each other, they stopped the moment that Remus opened the door and entered the room. He walked over to his bed, trying to ignore the uncomfortable silence as he felt the other boy's eyes on him, watching him as they would watch something dangerous. James was the one who spoke, his voice accusing, and his expression dark.

"How could you attack Peter? I know what he did last year was horrible, and there is no doubt that he deserved something to happen to him. How could you, Remus."

Remus was frozen in place; his bag dropped from his hand its contents spilling over the floor at his feet, his eyes wide and full of horror. He, Remus Lupin, had attacked someone. Somehow he had broken out, made it to the castle and actually attacked someone, he would have to leave school, he would have to. There wasn't another way, the others had to be kept safe from him…safe from the monster who had dwelt for far too long in their midst.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	28. Guilty

28.

There was no denying it now, everyone knew and there was to be no more hiding. He was the worst kind of monster—the kind that looked innocent and no one suspected, until something shifted and something disastrous happened, exposing the monster that had hidden behind the mask of an innocent boy. A boy who had hurt someone, a boy who might hurt someone again if he was not contained. He didn't blame James for turning against him, he was ashamed of what he had done and James's rejection seemed right somehow. The odd thing was that Sirius had gotten angry with James and started yelling about how "he couldn't control the wolf, it had been an accident.", but James hadn't believed him, he hadn't even listened. Remus couldn't find it within himself to blame James; he was blaming himself more than James had, more than anyone really could.

Remus hadn't moved from where he had been when James had spoken, he was frozen, his thoughts in turmoil. He felt numb, completely and utterly numb. Remus knew that Dumbledore already knew about what had happened, soon he would be sent for and then he would either be handed over to the ministry or expelled from school. He wasn't sure which one would be chosen for him, either would be no less than what he deserved; how could he have let the wolf get out? He thought that the other students would be safe from him in the shack, yet he had gotten out and had attacked someone. Even though Peter had hurt him so much the year before, that knowledge did nothing to make him feel better about the fact that he had attacked him…honestly, he didn't want to feel any satisfaction about it. Even if Sirius had said that Peter had deserved it. Remus knew, knew that no one deserved that fate. Not even Peter.

Remus had understood why the wolf had been preoccupied, he had understood the second that James had accused him. Somehow the wolf had gotten free, found Peter's scent, followed it into the castle, and attacked him; it would have finished the boy off if it hadn't been stopped by a teacher. If the wolf hadn't been stopped then Remus would have been a murderer, as well as a werewolf. Was there much of a difference? The rest of the world automatically thought that all werewolves were murderers, so perhaps there was no difference, at least not for someone like him. Perhaps he should embrace the wolf inside him, become one with the beast, no longer attempting to fit into places that he did not belong.

Remus flinched as a hand was placed on his shoulder. He jerked his shoulder out of Sirius's grip, turned and ran from the room, not looking back as Sirius called his name, and not caring whether anyone saw him. He ran as fast as he could, running down random corridors, not paying attention to where he was going. He ran and ran until he could go no farther, he slumped against a wall and slid to the floor, he hadn't noticed that there were tears streaming down his face until then, hadn't noticed that he was having trouble breathing. Remus didn't know how long or far he had run; only that it wasn't far enough to get away from the overpowering guilt that was consuming him. No one who knew what he was would deny that he was a monster. He couldn't deny it any longer either, the proof was lying in the hospital wing, staring at the ceiling and doomed to a fate worse than death.

He wanted to scream and howl as the inner turmoil and anguish built up inside him, consuming any attempt or hope for rational thought. So he sat there against the wall, shivering in the cold dark place in which he found himself, his inner demons unleashed, and all he could do was curl up against the wall and commit himself to being alone, hunted, and friendless. There didn't seem to be any hope for him now, nothing for him to look forward to in life. He couldn't finish school, couldn't get a job, and would never have a family of his own…he was a monster, doomed to live the life of others like him. Monster. Murderer. Half-breed. Alone.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	29. Wandering

29.

Severus was avoiding pretty much everyone; there was something about the older Slytherin's ideas of fun that seemed a little…wrong. He couldn't avoid the Slytherins for forever though, he would have to go back and then he would have to face the others and their questions again. After all, Lily was muggle-born, so why should he hate those who were like her simply because they weren't pure or even half-bloods? It didn't make sense to him, yet he couldn't really voice his opinions to the other Slytherins, he had seen what had happened to the second year who had been brave enough—or stupid enough—to do so, and Severus never wanted to have that many spells tried on _him._

Severus was walking down random corridors, simply trying to avoid anyone wearing a certain snake emblem on their robes, when he saw an odd shaped lump huddled against a wall at the other end of the corridor. He almost decided to duck down a different corridor and avoid whatever the thing was at the other end; however his curiosity got the better of him. He took out his wand and held it ready at his side, as he approached the lump on the floor. Severus got close enough to identify the thing on the floor and he stopped in his tracks, gazing at it in confusion and a mounting anger.

Outrageous as it seemed to him—as the three Gryffindors had become so close—the huddled shape on the floor was Remus. He was shaking, tears running down his face and he didn't seem to want to move. Severus kept his wand out, in case anyone else came down here. He knelt at the boy's side, he hesitated for a moment before he placed a hand on his arm—not really comfortable with offering comfort to others, he did have a reputation to uphold after-all. The moment that his hand touched the other boy's shoulder, Remus flinched away from him and pressed himself closer to the wall, curling up into himself even more than before. Severus took his hand back, but stayed crouched at his side, wondering what had happened; vowing that if someone had hurt him again, than that person would wish that they had never been born. No one hurt people that Severus actually cared about and got away with it.

Remus didn't move, didn't wipe the tears from his face, didn't in any way acknowledge the other boy's presence. He wasn't even sure who it was, though he thought that it may have been Severus, yet he couldn't bring himself to turn and look to verify that it was who he thought. What did it matter if anyone saw him, what did it matter if Severus thought him a monster as well? Even if he didn't think of him as a monster, he would the moment that he found out what had happened to Peter…the moment that he found out that his friend had attacked a fellow student.

Remus was so consumed by these and other thoughts which swirled through his head like a blizzard, that he did not notice when someone else joined them. He only noticed when arms were placed around him in a hug. He stiffened for a moment, before he gave in, turned around in the arms and placed his own around the person. He really wasn't all that surprised to find that Lily was the one holding him in her arms, he didn't want to cry anymore, yet he could not stop the tears from falling as her arms tightened around him. Though she obviously did not yet know how much of a monster he was, he couldn't keep himself from drawing comfort from her embrace. And he wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! I know, I know the chapters keep getting shorter. I promise that I will fix it soon.  
**


	30. Idiocy

30.

**Sirius:**

James was so unbelievably thick sometimes; honestly it was amazing how he could even think through the thickness of his skull.

Sirius had about had it with James and his unaccepting attitude towards Remus. Sure they hadn't expected him to get loose and actually attack someone, but it wasn't Remus who had attacked Peter, it was the wolf. Remus couldn't control the wolf, and he had no idea what the wolf did when it was out…why couldn't James understand that? Did James not see the torment, and the horror in his eyes; the slump of Remus's shoulders when he had been told that it was him who had attacked Peter? Of course not, all James-holier-than-though-Potter, could see was the wolf, the beast inside the boy who was there friend. The boy who had had no idea what had even happened until he had been told and then immediately run from the room, clearly hating himself and what he was.

Sirius had spent the better part of two hours trying to talk some sense into James, but to no avail. He simply refused to see that Remus had not known what the wolf had done, that he had no control of himself on the full-moon. Sirius wasn't all that upset over what had happened to Peter, it was well deserved and long overdue, yet now he would have to wait awhile before he was able to put more of his plan into action.

Indeed, Sirius Black was feeling rather friendless at the moment. Peter was an annoying-fat-thick-bullying-lump, James refused to see reason and had resumed his attitude of always being correct on everything, and Remus…Remus was somewhere in the castle, distancing himself from everyone and loathing himself for what had happened. Sirius would have to find Remus first, James could wait to be reconciled with…Remus was more important right now. Hopefully he could find the other boy; why couldn't the map have been done already. Searching the entire castle for his friend would be so much easier if the map had been completed.

**Remus:**

Remus wasn't sure how long he cried, or even how long he was there in the corridor with Lily's arms around him. He knew that Severus had been there the whole time, watching them, watching for other students who may appear, and occasionally awkwardly patting Remus' shoulder. As much as their actions were helping him and made him feel as though he might actually belong again, he had to tell them, he couldn't let them think that he'd had nothing to do with what had happened to Peter. He had to tell them. Then he would have to commit himself to staying away from everyone, if only to keep them safe from him. it was too late to keep them safe from the monster he could become, he would have to try to keep them safe from the monster that had gotten out.

Though it was the last thing that he wanted to do, he pulled out of Lily's arms and sat with his back against the cold stone wall of the castle. Remus didn't think that he could stand to look at them as he began to speak, so he stared at his knees and hunched his shoulders as he spoke quietly.

"P-Peter was attacked last night…attacked by a werewolf…attacked by me. I-I got out somehow and into the school, I _attacked _someone."

Neither of them said anything, for a long while. Severus's face was a carefully blank mask, while Lilly seemed to be confused about something. Several minutes passed while Remus stared at his knees, not able to bring himself to look up and see the disgust on their faces. Then something happened which he had not expected. Lily's arms once again encircled him, hugging him tightly, not asking anything only holding him close. After a few minutes, Severus spoke in his calm and smooth voice, which was beginning to deepen.

"Peter was attacked by you—as a werewolf—he is in the hospital wing at this moment, suffering from whatever injury you gave him…and this for some reason, upsets you? Am I missing some vital piece of information?"

Remus's head shot up and he stared at Severus in shock. He struggled for a moment to find his voice, when he did manage to speak it was nearly a croak.

"I got **out** and attacked someone. Somehow I managed to escape, make it to the castle and then attack a student. How is that a good thing? It was my fault, even James says so. I could break out and attack again, I could hurt anyone."

Severus simply stared at him, his face the blank mask as he spoke four small words.

"James is an idiot."

Lily attempted to hide a smile behind her hand, but failed miserably. She moved to sit beside Remus, yet kept an arm around him, not wanting to let him go until he felt better.

"Be that as it may, Sev. Remus does have a right to be upset about this; it must be terrifying to think that you could get out again and hurt someone else. I certainly don't blame you for what happened to Peter. I didn't even know something had happened until you told us, the teachers haven't said anything about an attack. I don't think that you should be too worried about this, Remus; I am sure that further precautions will be taken to make ensure that this doesn't happen again."

Remus looked at her at first with bewilderment and then with utter disbelief at what he was hearing, she didn't blame him? The teachers hadn't even told the students what had happened…what was wrong with them? He looked at Severus and saw him nod in agreement of what Lily was saying, he couldn't believe it; neither Lily nor Severus was angry at him and they still wanted to be his friends. What had he done to have such amazing friends? Remus wrapped his arms first around Lily, and then around a startled Severus, whispering a quiet, yet heartfelt "Thank-you".

Right then and there he resolved to try harder to control the monster within him, to attempt to keep it as under control as possible, so his friends would not be hurt.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	31. Searching

31.

James was torn. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that what Sirius had said was right, that Remus had no control over what the wolf did. However, Remus had still attacked someone, and to James and what he had been taught, it meant that his parents had been right all along…werewolves were evil creatures who could not be trusted. He definitely didn't think that Peter had been doing the right thing though; he supposed that it just hurt him to think that maybe Remus was a monster after all. Last year when he and Sirius had finally came to themselves and helped Remus, he had thought that nothing could shake his resolve to be his friend…then this had happened and he had spoken without thinking. Of course he couldn't let Sirius know that, he had to uphold his reputation, but it had cost him and he didn't know if he could repair the damage that a few thoughtless words had caused. How could he have been so stupid as to accuse Remus of attacking Peter on purpose? There were times when he thought that he must be one rather large idiot, and this was one of those times. James sighed and ran his hands through his hair, why did he have to be such an idiot?

**Sirius:**

Sirius cursed under his breath, he was ready to pull his hair out in frustration. Couldn't there be one time when Remus wasn't so good at hiding? Just once couldn't he be easy to find? Of course if the map had been done, then he would have found Remus a long time ago and he wouldn't have been aimlessly wandering the castle for who knows how many hours, searching for him.

_Oh look, the hospital wing. Maybe I should go in there and bug Peter—silence the curtains around his bed, perform a few good hexes, maybe punch him twice—no, no, I have to find Remus. Bugging Peter will have to wait, but it is so tempting. I am right here; Peter is on the other side of the door. It won't take more than a few minutes…yeah, I have time._

Sirius opened the door to the infirmary and stepped inside, he was immediately accosted by Madam Pomfrey. Sirius smiled at her, put on an innocent and concerned expression before he spoke.

"Madam Pomfrey, I am sorry that I haven't been in to see Peter yet, I have been a little busy though. Do you think I could go see him, and make sure that he is going to be alright? It would be a pity if none of his friends came to see him while he was under the weather, oh please Madam Pomfrey, let me see him."

"Oh alright, but no longer than fifteen minutes, he does need his rest." The matron waited for him to acknowledge her before she turned and went into her office, filling out forms and writing the requests for more potions to refill the cupboards.

~7.5 minutes later~

Sirius continued his search of the castle, his hands in the pockets of his robes as he whistled a rather cheerful tune. Now he had to continue his search for Remus, he only had about four more floors and two towers left to search…that shouldn't take more than a couple hours in order to search every single nook and cranny. Maybe he should stop by the kitchens and grab himself and Remus some food, surely he was hungry by now.

**Remus:**

Lily and Severus stayed with him until his stomach gave a rather loud rumble. Their stomachs were not to be outdone and gave equally loud rumbles, causing all three of them to look at each other and laugh. It felt so good to actually laugh, Remus wasn't sure when he had last laughed, he was sure that it had been awhile though. Much to the surprise of the other two, it was Severus who spoke first.

"I suppose we should be looking for some food then. Perhaps we should venture to the kitchens in order to avoid certain people."

He smoothly got to his feet and strode down the corridor. Lily and Remus looked at each other than they too got up and hurried after him. The three of them traveled through numerous passageways and darted behind various statues when they came across other people, it was actually rather fun and the three of them were sporting large smiles when they made it to the kitchens and sat down for a mini-feast. They sat there eating and laughing for quite some time before they all decided that they needed to head to the library to get their homework finished before the weekend was over.

Remus was feeling much better about himself at least, though he didn't think that he would ever feel better about what he had done to Peter. As the three of them walked to the library, he decided that he would have to apologize to Peter, and it would be best to do it that very day. He had already put it off for far too long…he had to at least attempt to apologize to him, even if it wasn't accepted. He would know that he had tried, and that was what mattered.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	32. Apology

32.

Remus had managed to slip away from Lily and Severus without too much trouble. This both worried him—if he could slip away so easily as a human than how would anyone notice him as a wolf, and made him rather proud of himself—he wasn't the sneakiest boy in their group so actually managing to sneak away was a great accomplishment. He had to go and see Peter, had to apologize profusely to him. Remus had to make him see that he hadn't meant to hurt him, that he hadn't meant to ruin his life forever and doom him to life as an outcast. Maybe Severus was right and there was something wrong with him; how could he be this upset about attacking the person who had tormented him so much last year? He thought about the answer to this question a moment before he realized that it was because he would never want another person to have to live through what he did every month. No matter who they were or what they had done…no one deserved that.

His trip to the infirmary was void of anything of interest. The doors of the infirmary seemed more solid than normal, as though they wouldn't open if he turned the handle and pushed on the door. Remus took a deep breath, pushed open the door, and entered the infirmary. Peter was lying on the first bed from the door, the curtains drawn around him. Remus half wished that Peter was asleep and that he could turn around and leave, yet he knew that doing it now while he was already here, instead of leaving and possibly not returning. No, he had to do this now while he was here when didn't have anything distracting him.

Slowly and silently, Remus approached the curtains which hid Peter from view. He slipped through the opening and stood there looking at Peter and wondering how to begin. Remus cleared his throat—which brought Peter's boil covered face, around to look at him; Remus nearly ran out the door and down the corridor. It was at this moment that he realized that he was still afraid of this boy…very afraid.

Remus took a deep breath to calm himself and to steel his nerves, then he made himself look at the boy before him as he spoke in what he hoped was a calm voice.

"I am so sorry for what happened. I never would have attacked you, Peter…never. I-I can't control what the wolf does when it is free…I didn't think that it could get out. Please Peter, please believe me, I never wanted anyone to get hurt…I never wanted anyone to be attacked. I am so, so sorry Peter. Sorry for the life that I have condemned you to, sorry that I got out, and sorry that your life can't be what you wanted it to be. Please don't think I did this on purpose, Peter, please."

Remus could feel the tears threatening to fall as he spoke to the boy who lay in the bed. He waited for Peter to say something, to say anything at all. For a long moment Peter did nothing but stare blankly at Remus, then he grunted and went back to staring at the ceiling. Remus gulped and left through the curtains. He left the infirmary and made it all of three steps before he broke into a run down the corridor. How could he have been so stupid as to think that Peter would forgive him, or even understand…he should have known better. He'd had to try though, had to attempt to apologize. Now he had and he could go back to avoiding Peter as much as possible.

Remus was so busy running that he failed to see Sirius come through an archway and stare as he ran past. He failed to hear Sirius calling to him to stop. He just had to keep running…if there was one thing that he was good at, it was running.

**Sirius:**

He watched as a blurred shape ran past him and continued down the corridor, it took him a moment to see that it was Remus. Sirius opened his mouth and started shouting at Remus to stop or to wait up, yet the boy kept running. Sirius cursed under his breath. Why did it have to be that the one he was looking for could run so stinking fast and be so clever at hiding? He let out an exasperated sigh and began following Remus down the corridor, though at a slightly slower pace than his friend. Well at least he had been able to place a couple of brilliant hexes on Peter…and get some food, mustn't forget the food.

Sirius followed the sounds of Remus's footsteps and sped up as he heard them stop. Hopefully now he would be able to talk to Remus a bit and let him know that he didn't believe that it was his fault at all. Then maybe he could take Remus to help him and Peeves prank Filch…that was sure to cheer anyone up.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	33. Indignant and a prank idea

33.

Finding Remus was actually easier this time than he had thought it would be, for as he turned the next corner, he saw him standing at the window and looking out across the grounds and into the forest. He didn't turn nor did he give any indication that he had heard Sirius, he didn't move from where he stood, as though he were frozen and couldn't move even if he had wanted fact, he stood so still that Sirius started to think that someone had transfigured something to look like Remus, if he had not spoken a moment later.

"Peter won't forgive me. I didn't think that he would, I don't know if I could. I know I will never forgive myself for making him this way, I can't forgive myself. Will you tell James that he was right and that I am sorry?" Even though he had finally spoken, his voice was so dead sounding that Sirius almost wished that he hadn't spoken at all.

Sirius winced at a few of the words which Remus had spoken. He couldn't help cursing when he heard that Peter wouldn't forgive Remus. Sirius rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Remus a little sheepishly.

"Um…Remus? You didn't bite Peter…you only scratched him. He isn't going to be a werewolf, he will just be his regular old-pain-in-the-arse self. I thought you knew that…sorry. And I am not telling James he was right, because he isn't. Besides I have a plan to make us both feel better about things."

As he spoke, he threw his arm around his friend's shoulders and began to steer the obviously shocked boy, away from the window and down one corridor after the other. All the while, whispering his plan into Remus' ear and grinning like a maniac as he saw the mischievous glint light up the other boy's previously empty looking eyes, as well as the grin that stretched across his own face as he listened.

Remus was slightly confused, a little indignant, but mostly he was relieved. He felt as though an oppressive weight which had settled on him when he heard about Peter had finally lifted from him; he felt…free. Why hadn't anyone bothered to tell him that Peter had only been scratched and not bitten? If he had known that then he wouldn't have spent so much time berating himself, and he _really _didn't need to spend any more time doing that. Besides, if he hadn't run through the school, he wouldn't have met up with Severus and Lily, and that was something that he didn't want to change.

He carefully set down a book on top of a stack of its brethren and sent them off to re-shelve themselves. He'd had to look up one spell to put his part of the plan into action and now he was ready. He had been a bit skeptical when Sirius had started explaining his idea, then he had to agree that it was brilliant. they would be breaking dozens of rules, would probably be getting detention for at least a month-if they were caught, and he found that he didn't particularly care. Sirius had more brains than he was given credit for, he could get some of the top marks in their classes, yet do hardly any research. He truly was clever, however this was one of those times when he questioned his friend's sanity.

Remus walked cautiously through the school on his way to Filch's office, he hoped that Sirius had been successful in getting Peeves to help; otherwise everything could go wrong very quickly. Luckily Filch's office was empty. He would have to hurry, he had no idea when Filch would come back, he had to be done and out of there by the time that he came back. Remus sighed as he got out his wand and went to work…why couldn't the map have been done yet? This would have been so much easier if it had been finished. He had no way of knowing that Sirius had wondered the exact same thing a few hours earlier.

Ten minutes later, Remus hurried away from Filch's office, he had to meet up with Sirius, then they had to get to the Entrance Hall to put the finishing touches on their handiwork. The following morning was going to be absolutely marvelous, and Remus couldn't help grinning when he thought about it.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	34. Second Prank

**Sorry that it has taken such a long time to get this chapter up, I have not had ideas for what to actually put in this chapter and I regret that. I know where this story needs to go and how to get there, it is only a matter of what is next that I am struggling a bit with. Anyway, I hope that this chapter is alright, even though it is late. Thank you for reading.**

34.

'Twasn't 'til the following morning that the prank actually made itself known to the entire school. Great trees had sprouted in all the corridors, patches of mud would randomly appear and then vanish the instant that Filch got there to clean it up. Every time that Filch would pick up a broom, mop, bucket, dustrag, or even polish; it vanished out of his hands and reappeared somewhere else in the castle. Sirius was having a hard time not drawing attention to himself, as he would double over laughing whenever he saw Filch running around trying to clean things up or retrieve some of his supplies. Many of the students went out of their way to continue hiding Filch's supplies, while others helped out by creating a bigger mess than before. Though the teachers did attempt to regain control, all of their efforts were futile, for nothing could get the students to concentrate that day.

In fact none of the students could concentrate for two days afterwards either, for trees would randomly sprout in the middle of classrooms or corridors, flowers would grow in people's hair, and none of it could be removed until that Wednesday. What was even better than this was that none of the teachers had any proof whatsoever that Sirius and Remus had been the ones to do this. They were both in high spirits for most of the week, and they were only heightened by something that happened on Thursday.

**James:**

He had wanted to apologize, not only to Remus, but to Sirius as well. However, they had pulled a prank without him…without even talking to him and now he didn't want to apologize, his pride wouldn't let him. There were some things which were not forgivable. He spent the days in which the trees could not be gotten rid of, brooding; many were of the opinion that you could actually see a storm cloud over his head. He didn't speak to the other two boys, didn't acknowledge them in any way and he didn't stick around when they were talking to each other.

James didn't like feeling like an outsider, it irked him. All his life he had always been the center of attention, the one that was listened to, the one that everyone envied, the one who was the best, and the one who could do no wrong. Everything that he had ever done, he had been the best at, everything he did was correct, and if someone said or did anything contrary, than it was them who was wrong, not him. So why was he the one left out, why was he the one who was moping around the castle…why was he the one alone? Nothing was making sense to him anymore, and that irked him as well.

Thursday morning was gray and gloomy—matching James' near constant mood—rain fell in sheets from the sky, drowning anyone or anything that dared venture outside. He was tired of this, he had spent the better part of four days, moping around the castle and he was tired of it. James decided that he needed to get over himself and apologize to his friends, perhaps they had been the ones who were right anyway…maybe he—James Potter, had actually been wrong. Careful to keep that in mind, he went searching for Sirius and Remus…he wanted to get the apology out of the way before lessons started for the day.

James found them in the Great Hall, eating breakfast and laughing about something. That sight made him stop in his tracks, to see Remus Lupin laughing was something that James would have given anything to do—it had been far too long since his friend had smiled, let alone laughed. Right then and there, James knew that he had been wrong, not the others. He had been the one too stubborn to see what was in front of him, too stubborn and blinded by prejudices to see that his friend was not a monster and that he had no control over the wolf. This was enough, he realized; this was all that he needed…not to be right all the time, not to have the very ground he walked on be worshipped, he only needed friends and to make them laugh. James walked over to them and in front of the entire school; he asked them both to forgive him for being such an idiot. Remus forgave him more easily than Sirius did, though he and Sirius were nearly back to normal by the end of the day. Classes were a much more enjoyable affair for the three of them, now that they were back together. That night they began working on the final plan for the map, wanting to get it finished by the end of their third year.

The three of them stayed up well into the night, talking, laughing, and drawing up plans for their map—though they kept getting distracted by thinking up schemes and writing those down on a piece of parchment. The three of them became close that night, closer than they had been before, brothers in all but blood; they wouldn't let small things tear them apart again.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	35. The return of Peter

35.

Peter did not return to their dorm until Saturday—Madam Pomfrey had wanted to keep him under observation in case any adverse effects arose from the deep gouges on his leg—and he stormed into the dorm without a word or even a glance at the other three. James and Sirius barely acknowledged Peter's existence, merely moving closer to Remus and continuing with their plans for mayhem. Remus watched Peter's movements through the room, searching for any indication that perhaps the other boy had forgiven him or at least would be semi-friendly. However, there was no such indication; Remus sighed and looked back at the parchment which contained their plans and schemes for the next month. There was barely a break in conversation, as Peter pulled his curtains shut and presumably went to sleep; the three boys stayed in the dorm for a couple more hours before they went traipsing through the castle to the kitchens for a midnightish snack. Afterwards they wandered aimlessly for a while, making not of rooms, secret passageways, and corridors for their map. They did not make it back to the tower until nearly three in the morning, at which point they all tumbled into their beds and promptly fell asleep.

The following morning dawned dark drizzly, Peter walked calmly over to Remus's bed and punched him square on the nose. Remus jolted awake, his hand flying to his nose and his eyes widening as he noticed that Peter stood above him, his fist rising again. Remus scrambled backwards, backing against the headboard until he could go no further; he really, really did not want to do this again. Peter's fist swung forward and connected with Remus's jaw, sending him toppling over the end of his bed with a crash and jolting the other boys awake.

Remus scrambled to his feet and scurried out of Peter's reach, just as Sirius tackled Peter to the ground and began punching him. Remus stood there, watching Sirius start to beat the tar out of Peter, then he sighed and with great difficulty, pulled Sirius off of him.

"As much as he deserves it, you really shouldn't stoop to his level. You are so much better than he is, Sirius. Don't forget that."

Sirius stood there, seething. His chest rising and falling heavily as he struggled to take deep breaths and calm himself enough to attempt to be reasonable. He glared at Peter and nearly spat his words at him.

"Do you see this Peter? Do you see that even now, Remus is protecting you? Do you see that Remus is the one who wants to spare you, neither James nor I would hesitate to give back exactly what you did to him, yet he won't let us hurt you? Can you still honestly say that he is the monster?"

Peter wiped at the blood running from his temple, hatred coating his words even as he got shakily to his feet. "**I** don't need or want help from a freak like that, that _thing. _It attacked me! The werewolf freak attacked me and _you _protect it. You say that _I _am the monster, that _thing _should be put down so the rest of us are safe from it."

Both James and Sirius let out angry roars and lunged forward, however Remus got there first and he slammed Peter against the wall, anger flowing through his veins and seeming to light them on fire.

"I may be a monster, but **I **am only a monster once a month. I apologized for what happened, I told you that I have no control over the wolf, yet you either refuse to listen or don't understand. Hear me now Peter, and remember…I will **not** lay down and take what you want to give me, I will **not** let you hurt me simply for what I am. I cannot help being a werewolf any more than you can help being a pig-headed-bigoted-idiot who enjoys tormenting those you see as lower than yourself. This is your only warning Peter; **leave me alone!**" Remus did not punch Peter, he did not even slam him backwards into the wall. He barely raised his voice to the boy, yet he had spoken those words with such coldness, such absolute calm and force that it left the other three shocked and slightly scared of the boy.

Remus turned and stormed out of the dorm, fixing his nose on his own as he strode down the stairs, out the portrait hole, and to the Great Hall for breakfast. He did not react as James and Sirius joined him a while later, he simply continued to eat in silence, missing the looks of shock and awe which the other two kept shooting at him.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!  
**


	36. Distractions

36.

Peter was having nightmares and he had been having them every night for the past two and a half weeks. They were nearly always the same; they were all about the freak. At first they were simply about the attack—he would see the werewolf's face as it snarled at him, feel the pain of the claws ripping into his leg, see the cold hatred in its eyes and see the cunning intelligence that dwelt there. Then they nightmares had shifted, now they were partly of the wolf and partly of the freak and the coldness, the fierce and almost wolfish look which had come over his face when the freak had spoken to him the day after he returned from the hospital wing. The nightmares had plagued him for nearly three weeks now and they were driving him mad. He was jumping at small noises, scurrying around the room and out the door whenever the freak entered the room, his eyes always darting to exits…assessing escape routes and the fastest way to be out of any room. Peter cursed inwardly, would he always be plagued by nightmares because of that disgusting half-breed that the others were letting stay in their dorm? There had to be a way to end them, a way to be free of the terrible images that entrapped him every night when he closed his eyes.

* * *

Sirius was a little in awe of the scrawny boy sitting next to him in their Charms classroom. Who would have thought that Remus Lupin could be scary…well on days other than the full-moon? He would do well to remember not to get on the boy's bad side; hopefully there would never be a reason that Sirius would be on his bad side, for that would be a scary place to be indeed. Sirius had to admit that the look on Peter's face had been priceless. Sirius held onto that moment so it would be perfectly etched into his mind, so he could forever remember exactly how Peter looked at the moment when Remus threatened him. Currently the only real problem that Sirius was having was the difficulty with which he was having in restraining himself from pranking a certain Slytherin who Remus was friends with. Sirius sighed and headed out onto the grounds, searching for something else to do…preferably something entertaining and distracting.

* * *

James was feeling peculiar, and it was not exactly a new feeling. He could not stop himself from thinking about a certain red-headed girl in the same year as he was, a girl who thought him cocky, stuck-up, ignorant, a show-off, and an all-round complete waste of time. James had to admit that he was most of those things, yet how was it Evans' right to decide that he was before actually getting to know him? He couldn't stop thinking about her…even Quidditch was no longer a distraction; everything made him think of her, and it annoyed him. How could one girl—all be it an incredibly good looking and talented girl—cause so much disruption to his thoughts and life? If this was part of growing up, then he wanted no part of it, he wanted to become a professional Quidditch player…not some love-struck idiot. There had to be a way to stop this, there just had to be.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! **

**I know it is an appallingly short chapter, and I apologize most profusely. I will hopefully make the chapters longer again soon, in the meantime I am afraid that this is all I can offer you. Once again, I am so sorry about this.  
**


	37. Spring

37.

The winter months passed in cold misery mixed with the pulling of many pranks. By early spring, the teachers were jumping at small noises and confiscating any object which was not needed for classwork; the students were wary of anything being handed to them by anyone…even the teachers. The Marauders were in their element. Never before had the school of Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry, known such chaos. Peter had left Remus alone for the most part—Sirius had not left Peter alone though—Remus attempted to include the boy in things now and again, but to no avail. James and Sirius had been rather secretive of late, and no amount of questioning on Remus's part could get either of the boys to tell him what was going on. Remus didn't let it bother him too much though; after all he had kept secrets from them before, so why shouldn't they be entitled to some of their own? All in all, Remus thought that third year was much better than second year had been. Yet it was not to last.

* * *

'Twas mid-April and Remus was quite frustrated by the other two boys and their odd disappearances and hushed conversations which came to an abrupt halt whenever they saw him. Since they were so busy all the time, Remus had taken to spending more and more time with Lily and Severus. They spent a great deal of their time in the library, or out on the grounds…sometimes they could be found in the kitchens, laughing together over a plate of fruit or biscuits. Although Remus loved spending time with those two, he couldn't help but wonder what had happened; Sirius, James, and Remus had been so close to finishing their map and then they had suddenly become distracted by something and wanted to spend all their time on that instead.

Remus had his book bag over his shoulder and he was walking towards the library—taking a rather indirect route so he could get an idea of the layout of a side corridor which they hadn't fully mapped out yet. He had parchment and quill out, marking down the entrances to different rooms, side corridors, and any hidden passageways he came across. Remus had just found a new staircase and was adding it to the parchment, when he felt a shove from behind and he went tumbling down the stairs. He didn't see the bottom of the stairs, he wasn't conscious when he landed on the floor in a heap.

* * *

Peter had only been wandering the corridors—bored out of his skull and feeling rather alone, when he quite literally stumbled upon Remus Lupin—the werewolf freak. He was lying on the floor with his books and supplies scattered around him. Peter stopped in his tracks, glaring down at the prone figure ahead of him.

What prank was the freak pulling now that had him sprawled on the floor pretending he needed help? Peter grumbled and strode forward; it was then that Peter stepped in something wet. Cursing loudly, he looked down and saw that the liquid which he had stepped in was blood. His eyes followed the blood stream until they came to rest on the prone figure of the freak. It took quite a few minutes for the scene to sink in, and finally Peter realized that this was no prank. Peter stepped forward through the puddle of blood, until he was standing over the werewolf; he studied him for a moment and noticed that he was paler than Peter thought it possible for anyone to be. Something made Peter bend down and pick up the freak, that same something had Peter running to the hospital wing with the half-blooded monster in his arms. Leaving behind the puddle of blood spread over the stone floor, seeping into the books and parchment upon the stones, and staining the floor as it sat there glinting darkly in the torchlight.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! **

**I know it is an appallingly short chapter, and I apologize most profusely. I will hopefully make the chapters longer again soon, in the meantime I am afraid that this is all I can offer you. Once again, I am so sorry about this.  
**


	38. Magic?

38.

He was never actually sure how long he had been unconscious, nor was he sure what exactly happened to him. For a while he was not even entirely sure of his own name. When the woman, who must have been a nurse of some kind, spoke to him, he was surprised to find that he was alive. For he had been so sure that this place which was filled with light, sparkly objects, dancing lights, and white objects—was some sort of after-life. Something deep inside him said that he would not be allowed in such a heavenly looking place, so he must be in some sort of hospital. He wasn't sure why he felt this way; he just knew that he did. He looked around at the room he was in, curious about what kind of people lived here.

A hand moved in front of his face, he blinked and brought his attention back to the woman who was speaking to him. At least…he thought she was speaking. It was hard to be sure since no sound came from her, was it common for people to not make any sound when they spoke? He smiled reassuringly at the woman and patted her hand. She was so taken aback by this that her mouth snapped shut and she simply stood there blinking at him in disbelief and shock. He looked at her curiously and reached up to run a hand through his hair, only to stop when he felt something strange under his fingertips.

His fingers traced along the rough edges of some sort of cloth wrapped tightly around his head. It took him a moment to figure out that the cloth was actually bandages. Apparently he had somehow injured himself, yet he had no idea how or even when. It kind of bothered him that he could hardly seem to remember anything from before he woke up in this strange place. He could not seem to even remember his own name, yet he knew he had one…everyone did. Didn't they? Actually, there was one thing he could remember. He remembered the face of a boy, the boy who had carried him somewhere. He thought that the somewhere had to have been to this room with the woman who looked so concerned…perhaps it was some sort of hospital.

He seemed to remember that the face of the boy, who had carried him here, was also a face that he had cause to fear. Yet, he could not remember why. He glanced up at the woman, opened his mouth to ask about the boy who had brought him here, but no sound came out of his mouth. Not even the smallest whisper of noise. The woman saw this, and grew even more concerned. She took out a long, thin stick and waved it over him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered that the "stick" was actually a wand, and that would make the woman a witch. If she was a witch, then it was a good bet that this place was a type of magical hospital. If it was a magical hospital, then what was he doing here? He couldn't do magic…could he?

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! **


	39. Window and barrier

39.

Later that afternoon, he was visited by two boys with equally black and messy hair. They did not get very far into the hospital before they were stopped by the woman who could only be a nurse. Her mouth moved and they seemed able to hear her, and this made him wonder if perhaps he just could not hear anything, but that didn't seem right. The two boy's expressions turned from concerned to one of utter disbelief—from the boy who had shorter dark hair and glasses, and murderous. He became decidedly uneasy and carefully pulled the bedding away from himself, then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. He was not even fully upright before he was pushed back down to the bed and the blankets were once more over him. The woman shook her head most emphatically and gently pressed on his shoulders—obviously wanting him to stay put—then the woman motioned for the two dark haired boys to come over.

They walked over to stand at the side of his bed, their shoulders slumped and expressions sorrowful, it was as though someone close to them had died. He wanted to do something to make them feel better, and to express his condolences, yet he did not know what he could do that would help either of them. Something told him that he should know, but he didn't. He was becoming rather annoyed with how much he did not know…with how much he did not remember. He could almost feel the place where all the information should have been, yet it was blocked by a strong barrier and it would not let him through. He was brought out of his musings about how to get through the barrier, by the boy with slightly longer black hair, touching his arm to get his attention.

He looked at the boy—who was watching him with an extremely worried expression—and smiled brightly in an attempt to cheer up the sad boy. For some reason smiling at the boy had the opposite effect from the one which he had hoped. The boy turned away from him, his shoulders hunched and his head down. The boy with glasses clasped the other dark haired boy's shoulder, then his mouth moved and he knew that the boy with glasses was attempting to make the other boy feel better. Was smiling the wrong thing to do, did that make people feel worse, or was it only in this instance?

He looked away from the two dark haired boys and out one of the windows. He watched as a nearly full moon hovered in the sky, surrounded by white fluffy clouds which traveled across the sun. Something about the moon stirred something within him, yet he could not quite grasp it. Whatever it was, was something just out of reach, taunting him as he tried to grab hold of it. He was drawn to the moon, unable to tear his eyes away from it. The moon pulled at something inside him, beckoning to him, calling to him, promising him freedom. Promising him answers. And he knew, knew that the moon had the answers which he sought, knew that he could be free under the soft light of the moon.

* * *

To the others in the hospital wing, it appeared that the boy known as Remus Lupin was in a sort of trance. Staring unblinkingly at something he could see out the window. It was odd to see him so entranced by something—other than a book—and it was hard to know what he could even be thinking, as he did not remember anything. Madam Pomfrey had been flabbergasted to learn that he had no memory, he could not speak, and he did not appear to be able to hear. The problem lay with the fact that, the matron could not figure out what had happened to cause the boy to have these problems. She had tried every potion, spell, and poultice that she knew, and none of them had helped in the least. None of her colleagues whom she had owled, had any advice for her either. Perhaps if the matron knew what had caused this, then she may have been able to figure out how to cure it. yet, she did not have the faintest idea as to what may have caused this. So she was left to stand alongside two of his friends, and watch the boy as he stared at something outside the window. Pomfrey could only hope that one day the boy would at least be able to speak again and perhaps some of his memory as well.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! **


	40. The coldness of the moon

40.

He did not understand why the matron had led him across the wide grassy grounds, which lay around the castle that they had left. He did not understand why she led him to the base of a particularly vicious tree, he did not understand why she had made it stop moving as they approached, and he most certainly did not understand why she had taken him to a room and then locked him in there. He had seen her mouth move, yet he had been unable to hear what she said. He had been left alone in the growing darkness of the strange and broken down shack.

The boy had wandered aimlessly around the shack, studying the gouges in the walls and floor. He skirted around the many stains, which he somehow knew were dried blood. He could feel fear starting to envelope him. He was afraid. Afraid of whatever had made the deep gouges in the wood. Afraid of what had created the numerous and large pools of dried blood upon the floor. Terror gripped him when he saw the smashed and gnawed remains of a wooden chair. What had he done that they would send him to a place where a great beast dwelt? He knew that the beast would arrive once night had fallen, knew that it would come out of hiding and devour him. There was no way out of this place, that woman from the hospital had brought him here to die.

The boy sat huddled in a corner of the shack, his body shaking with terror as the sky darkened and the full moon rose once more into the sky. The moonlight spread, like water over glass, across the landscape. The light from the moon poured into the shack through the cracks in the walls, the small streams of light illuminated patches of the blood-stained floor. He knew that any moment now, the beast would arrive, and then it would devour him. He backed further into the corner, knowing it was useless, yet trying to make himself vanish into the shadowy darkness of the corner. It was at that moment—the moment when he was nearly overcome with terror—that pain shot up his spine. Pain the likes of which he had never before felt.

It felt as though his entire spine was being shattered one vertebra at a time. His mouth opened wide in a silent scream of agony. His hands scrabbled at his back, trying to feel to see if bone was protruding from it. The bones in his hands snapped and twisted, forming large paws. The boy fell forward onto his face, his ribs breaking and stretching to form a larger ribcage. His arms rotated backwards—snapping his shoulder blade in the process—fur sprouting from every pour on his body. The boy's knees turned backwards, the bones in his legs shrinking then growing again in a different position. Agony shot from the base of his regrown spine, and up into the base of his skull. A long tail pushed out from the base of his spine, tearing through the skin and muscle to emerge fully formed, into the night. Blood poured from his mouth as fangs pushed their way through his gums. His jaw and nose shattered and reformed into the muzzle of a wolf. His ears grew longer and moved onto the top of his head. Howls of agony echoed through the night.

* * *

The wolf lay on the hard wooden floor of the shack, its sides heaving as it fought to breathe normally. Slowly, the wolf got to its feet. It walked slowly forward until it stood in the largest beam of moonlight. The wolf looked up through the crack in the wall to see the large face of the moon; the wolf stared at the moon with longing in its eyes. It whined and pawed at the wall which blocked its view of the moon. The wolf howled its frustration and began to slam itself into the wall, but to no avail. The wall would not budge, no matter how hard the wolf through itself at it. The wolf eventually gave up and began to bite itself. It did not know why it had to be trapped here when it could smell its prey. Prey so close that it was near torturous that the wolf could not reach them. And so the wolf tore into itself with reckless abandon, not caring that it was causing itself more pain. Only wanting to bite and tear into something living.

The moon watched as the wolf tore into itself. Watched as it tore its leg to shreds. The moon did not care about the pain it inflicted upon those who were cursed to be werewolves. The moon did not care about anything. It only watched with a coldness that was unmatched by any who walked the earth.

**Alright so apparently my chapters are too depressing. I apologize for that, as I had not realized that they were. I will attempt to make them less depressing, however I would like to say that this was never going to be a "happy" story. Regardless of that, I shall still work on it to make it more enjoyable.**

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! **


	41. Is there a chance?

41.

The boy slowly became aware of the utter agony which ripped through his body. The moment which he could feel all the pain and damage done to his body, he longed for the oblivion from which he had just emerged. He remembered who he was, what he was, and he yearned to forget once more. His eyes would not open and for this he was immensely grateful, for he had no desire whatsoever to see the damage which the wolf had wrought. There was not a single cell in his body which desired to see what had happened, yet he knew that sooner or later he would have to look. He would have to see what had become of his body and the room which he had undoubtedly savaged during the night. He only wanted to lay there as ignorant as it was possible for him to be, not moving until either he was taken from this world, or else Madam Pomfrey came to carry him out.

Remus had no idea how long he lay there in a pool of his own blood, surrounded by the remains of various pieces of furniture. He could tell that most of the agony radiated from his leg, yet a great deal also came from his chest and side. He could hear the steady dripping of what was probably blood, he heard the taunting cheerful singing of birds outside the shack, and he thought that he could hear the soft shuffling of footsteps coming up through the tunnel. He knew that he should open his eyes and at least appear to be alive, even if he wasn't sure that he wanted to be. Remus heard the door open, he knew from the matron's gasp that he must look worse than he normally did after a transformation. A warm hand touched his shoulder and gently turned him over…at least the hand _tried_ to be gentle. Agony ripped through him, blackness mercifully coming to consume him; unfeeling, welcoming, blackness that took him without hesitation.

* * *

When he slowly became aware again, he knew that something was different, something besides the blissful lack of pain. Voices spoke in frantic concern around him, distracting him from attempting to figure out what was different. He could recognize the voices of his friends, the matron, and surprisingly, Peter. It was odd to hear Lilly, Severus, Sirius and James all speaking civilly to one another; this in itself nearly convinced Remus that he was either dreaming or dead. However, it was the return of the pain in his chest, which let him know that this was no dream and he was very much alive. Remus slowly opened his eyes to find that he was staring up at the stone ceiling of the Hospital Wing, the instant that his eyes opened, the voices around him stopped.

The faces of James and Sirius were suddenly above him, looking down at him with twin expressions of worry. Remus turned his head, ignoring the sharp pain that coursed through his head at the movement, and saw Lilly standing next to his bed a little farther from James than nearly anyone else would be. The exception to that was standing near the foot of Remus's bed, watching him with an impassive face, yet Remus could see the concern in Severus's eyes. Then there was Peter. Peter stood as far from his bed as he could without being unable to see what was going on. It surprised Remus to see that Peter wasn't looking at him in disgust or hate, he didn't know what exactly Peter's expression was, but it was one far less hostile than any he had worn for nearly a year now. Remus had to wonder if something about Peter had changed and maybe, just maybe, Peter was changing back to who he had been before he had found out Remus's secret.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! I'm sorry this is taking so long, but I have been extremely busy with school and only writing when I get the chance. Thanks to all who have stuck around so far and I will try to update more frequently. I just want you to know that this story is NOT abandoned, it is just taking a while to update. So thanks again for reading.  
**


	42. Turmoil

42.

**Peter:**

Peter really had no idea what on earth he was still doing there in the hospital wing beside the bed of the freak. Obviously it would live and since he hadn't actually had anything to do with the freak's accident, there really was no reason as to why he was sticking around. Except and he hated admitting this even if it was just to himself, he missed being part of a group. He missed hanging around with James and Sirius and this was better than nothing, even if it was just out of their concern over the monster in the bed before them.

Peter strode away from the group of students clustered around Remus's bed, his absence going mostly unnoticed save from two boys. One the very boy whom Peter despised and the other a rather carefully blank faced Slytherin, his face masking the inner sense of fury which he had become so adept at hiding. Peter missed both of these, paying no attention to anything save for his destination, the windows at the other end of the Hospital Wing. He walked almost silently across the stone floor, the scuffing of his shoes across the cobblestones, only audible to those who cared to listen for such slight noises. Once Peter reached one of the high windows which were spaced evenly across that section of wall, he stared out at the school grounds without really seeing them. He stood there lost in thought, attempting to figure out and make sense of the many thoughts and feelings which were at war within him. His hands clenched into fists upon the stone windowsill, his head leaning forward to press his forehead against the cool water flecked glass of the window, thunder rumbling in the distance. For the life of him, Peter could not figure out why it had bothered him so much to see the freak lying at the bottom of those stairs. Why should it matter to him what happened to that monster, especially since he knew that he had done much worse to it the year before. Yet, for some strange and incomprehensible reason, it did bother Peter…it bothered him a lot. Peter knew what James and Sirius would say if he bothered to tell them how he was feeling, they would call him a hypo…hypa…hypoc, they would find it "funny" that he had a problem with someone else hurting the freak after what he himself had done.

Peter's shoulder's hunched as he stared unseeingly out at the rain falling upon the grounds. He knew that the freak didn't even matter that much anymore; all that mattered…all that Peter cared about was being able to have James and Sirius as friends again. They were far more important than most other things, even if he couldn't forgive them for siding with the monster instead of him. There had to be a way to be friends with them again, there had to be something that he could do, some way to win them over. His hands clenched tighter, his knuckles standing out white against the rest of his hand. Even that Slytherin…Snivellus, was better friends with James and Sirius than he was and that was simply not right.

He didn't know how much time passed, how long he stood there with his forehead pressed to the glass, before he reached a decision. He would buy his resentment, hide his schemes, and disguise his conniving so that the others would believe he had changed. Peter would even make himself be "nice" to the freak, hopefully then he would once more be accepted as one of the Marauders. He would just have to hide the person who he knew he was, and be the person that they used to think he was, the person who wouldn't hurt anyone. Scared little Peter is who he would have to be again, but this time it would be an act and only he would know that. One day the façade would fall and he would be on top, he would have his revenge on them all, he just had to get them to trust him first and that would be tricky.

* * *

When he finally turned away from the window, his hands were stuffed into his pockets, he slouched as he walked back over to join the others. He stood there for a few minutes before he was able to look at Remus without noticeable traces of disgust and loathing, then he removed a hand from his pocket and held it out to the boy who sat upon the bed. Peter hoped it wasn't apparent in his voice that his teeth were clenched a he spoke.

"I'm…sorry, Remus. I know that doesn't even begin to cover it, but I am sorry. Forgive me?"

Peter was aware of the glares of anger as well as the looks of shock upon the faces of the others, yet he was forcing himself to focus only on the boy in front of him, the boy who was looking at him in disbelief and hope.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! I'm sorry this is taking so long, but I have been extremely busy with school and only writing when I get the chance. Thanks to all who have stuck around so far and I will try to update more frequently. I just want you to know that this story is NOT abandoned, it is just taking a while to update. So thanks again for reading.  
**


	43. Four once more

43.

Remus wasn't exactly sure what was going on and he didn't particularly care, all he cared about at that moment was running at full tilt down the corridor and hearing Severus laugh. That in itself was enough to make this day stand out among so many others, for the Slytherin hardly ever smiled let alone actually laughed. The boy's laugh was one of joy and Remus thought that this was probably not something which Severus had done much of, if at all. It was decidedly good for him, for Remus as well, but also it was good for James and Sirius to hear. It was the four of them tearing down the corridor as though their lives depended upon it—which they sort of did—robes billowing behind them, laughter echoing up and down the stone corridor as the boys ran as fast as their legs could carry them.

For a moment Remus felt a twinge of guilt that they had left Peter behind, but it was only a twinge and it did not last long. There was something…off about the boy even though he had asked forgiveness and tried to fit in with the others, the past few days had been decidedly awkward. It had been James who had suggested that the four of them pull this prank and it was his idea that Peter should be left behind, an idea that no one even thought about arguing over. 'Twas a bit surprising that Severus had been asked to join them, even more shocking was the fact that he agreed and even helped give the other three ideas. In fact it had been the Slytherin's idea to pull the prank during classes, right outside of the Transfiguration classroom, an idea which had left the Marauders in stunned silence before heartily agreeing.

Remus was breathing hard as he ran, his laughter joining that of the other boys' in their rapid escape from the crime scene. Remus had just run by an archway when he felt a pair of hands grab his arm and he was pulled sharply into the shadows, his arm feeling as though it had been nearly pulled from its socket. His shaggy hair fell over his face as he turned to look at Sirius, whose hands steadied Remus as soon as he was hidden by the shadows of the arch. Sirius held a finger to his lips, his shoulders shaking a bit with the force of his own suppressed laughter. Remus nodded and covered his own mouth to stifle his mirth. He noticed that James and Severus were standing behind Sirius, taking advantage of the deeper shadows further back. Together the four of them moved as far back as they could while still being able to see the chaos which was sure to ensue at any moment. The four of them waited with bated breath, the seconds seeming to pass by agonizingly slowly before the first classroom door opened.

**BANG!**

An explosion could be heard clear to the Entrance Hall, deafening those who were unfortunate enough to be standing within a hundred foot radius. Immediately following the explosion, every other classroom door opened with a relatively quieter bang, followed by much louder explosions.

**BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!**

Remus had to cover his sensitive ears, in order to muffle some of the loud noise exploding down the corridor whenever a door was opened. However, he kept his eyes glued to the scene unfolding in the corridor, the bit of absolute brilliance that had been Severus' idea. As every student took a step outside of their classroom door, they were immediately transformed into one of the four house animal symbols. The Gryffindors turned into Badgers, the Ravenclaw's turned into lions, the Slytherin's turned into ravens, and the Hufflepuffs turned into snakes. Soon the corridor was swarming with animals, all of whom were looking at each other as though they couldn't believe what they were seeing. The professors took one look at the cacophony outside their doors and promptly took out their wands to restore the students to their proper forms. However, no matter what they did, the animals simply refused to return to their proper forms, most got into their heads that it was the perfect opportunity to skip the rest of classes for the day and took off through the castle as fast as they could waddle, crawl, slither or fly.

The four boys stood hidden in the shadows until they couldn't take it anymore and they turned and ran down a side corridor, huge grins upon their faces. It wasn't until they reached the other side of the castle that they deemed it safe enough to collapse against a wall and succumb once more to fits of laughter. It was this momentous event that made James and Sirius ready and eager to accept Severus as a Marauder, even if he was a Slytherin.

* * *

That night the four of them met out under the shadow of the Forbidden Forest, the three Gryffindors standing together and watching the lone Slytherin without hostility. It was James who stepped forward and formally asked Severus to become the fourth Marauder. A genuine smile crept across the pale boy's face and he agreed without hesitation. The four boys spent the duration of that night having a party in the kitchens with their newest member and planning future pranks. It wasn't until dawn that they all headed to bed, suppressing laughter as they came across the odd snake, badger or lion who had been unable to get into their common room.

As Remus tumbled into his bed, he thought that this was one of the best days he'd ever had. He was still smiling as he fell asleep and the first rays of the sun peeked into the boys dorm, not disturbing them in the slightest, all of them far too exhausted to care or even notice the sun.

**Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome! Thanks to all who have stuck around so far and I will try to update more frequently. I just want you to know that this story is NOT abandoned, it is just taking a while to update. So thanks again for reading.  
**


End file.
